Little flowers…

Last night was a lovely evening with friends over for dinner. Deb brought me some beautiful flowers and when I popped them in a vase, these two broke off so I put them in this little vase. Funnily enough Inkface did this a few days ago..

I woke up a little tired but now being alcohol free, there was no hangover, yippee. So I headed to the gym and had a great workout. Today was a leg day. I have 3 scheduled days a week where I do leg weights and they are split over different parts of the legs. Today was quad focused and each session I’m getting stronger. My favourite exercise is the close stance leg press where today I reached 265kg. When I started in April, I could only push 85kg, so I’ve gained strength rapidly. My aim is to get to 300kg by the end of the month.

After the gym I headed home and did some work on my music, just reading it through adding some finger markings. I went to Lindsey’s for a rehearsal and thankfully her violin is as good as new.

This evening is relaxing time.. weekly ritual face mask, get things ready for the week ahead and sit and do some cross stitch. I know the working week will be very busy.

This morning at the gym I chatted to a girl I’ve know for quite some years in the gym scene. She’s done amazingly well over the last 6 months and she told me how much better she is feeling, especially when focusing on the journey from where she started to where she is now. Life is a journey of self discovery. I’m still learning about myself as I am sure I will do for the rest of my years and I’ve really started to accept a lot of things about myself that in the past I’ve thought of as flaws.

I like to have projects on the go… I like to be busy. And there is nothing wrong with that. I know that the more I have to do, the more I get done and it makes me feel like I’m achieving something.

Music is in my soul. I’ve been playing since I first asked my parents for a guitar at age 7. Music was not something my parents had ever engaged in, other than listening to the charts on the radio on a Sunday morning. I went on to learn guitar, teach myself the organ, ask my parents if I could play cello and, because I didn’t play an instrument that meant I could play in the school band, took up clarinet. I ended up focusing on cello, playing in orchestras around the country and loved it. When I had children I stopped. And it wasn’t until I started again 5 years ago, I realised it was a part of me that was missing. Some might not understand that, but it doesn’t matter. I love it and it makes me feel alive.

I always feel driven to set myself big physical challenges. Having a goal to meet keeps me focused and if I have focus, everything else in my life seems to fit into place. I’m 2022 my goal was to run every day for a year, run 52 half marathons, run a 100km ultra marathon and a 3hr 45min marathon. Many thought this was ridiculous. I was questioned why I would want to do that. But I did it. I met every single one of my challenges. At the end of 2022 I decided I would challenge myself to start in the gym. Build muscle and maybe, just maybe, one day compete on stage. The adjustment was very difficult. Mentally, not running, eating far more than I was used to and having to gain weight intentionally. But always in my mind is, what if you can do it. A huge challenge but I’m well on my way and next year, just maybe I will get on that stage.

I have always been an all or nothing person and for a long time have tried to be more balanced. But balance doesn’t work for me. I feel in limbo… neither doing this nor that with my full attention. So why try to be something I am not? So now I accept this is the way I am and I’m not going to try and change it.

I love to write. And think I am pretty good at it. I’ve written 3 novels, two which I have self published… but doubt crept in which made me think I’m not good enough. But you know what? At least I have done it. And I know that people really enjoyed reading the books I have written. So why not do the things I love regardless.

This is a very long post, but it’s inspired by a quote I read today which is so true:

“You were born to stand out. Stop trying to fit in.” Roy T Bennett

Time to start standing out…