The Times They Are A-Changin'

Not sure where to begin.. Afraid of the future. Afraid to be on my own. Afraid to be.. Going through the photo albums I came across a different photo than this one - a selfie of my mom and I on a trip to the ocean - and I lost it.

After high school I didn't know what I wanted to do.. I tried community college, trade school (multiple things), working retail, and.... I finally decided to become a truck driver. I pretty much lived in a box for 21 years. The jobs I had allowed me to take a month off every other year and head to all kinds of places with my dad, mom or sometimes both. Alaska, Maine, Washington D.C., California, Montana, Colorado, North Dakota and many other places. I got to see so much including seeing places where my dads family camped when he was a child, some of his favorite hikes, a drive by the old cabin and..

A little over 6 years ago now I have worked at the current company I am at. I was able to be there for my dad as he went through his end of life journey. I was able to help my mom deal with all the changes afterwards, I was able to bring her and me many joyous times. And now it is my moms turn to go through this journey.

Today I had a talk with my sister and unfortunately we disagree on certain parts of our moms care. I don't want to argue with her but I don't know what else to do. I know what my mom has told me. I know the documents she signed regarding the end of life care she wanted. I also know my sister wants what is best for her too.. I hope we find a compromise. 

Every day she is moving her right hand a little more. Every day she seems to get a little stronger. Yet in the last 18 months she has lost over 30 pounds. She looks so thin. My sister is trying hard to find a care home for her. A place where she will get proper care. A place that will pay attention to her. A place that..

In this photo is the house my grandfather built after ordering it from a Sears and Roebuck catalog. It still stands today and is being lived in by someone. As for the people in the picture. My grandfather gone for over 40 years. That young boy - my moms brother gone a short time before my dad passed away. The young girl standing on the right is my moms older sister still living in southern Oregon. The young girl my grandpa is holding is my mom..

My sister visited our mom today with her son. My mom said she didn't remember seeing me yesterday...