Number 133

Opposites.

It's a wall of opposites.

Paradox, anomaly.

Yeah. I get that lately.

Do you have days like that? Where you feel like a fish flipping and flopping on the dock... I feel that way lately.

I realize that as I get a little older, a little more mellow, I am less black and white. I am less right. I am less demanding that people agree with me, think like me, act like me. I don't expect perfection, I don't trust it. I want truth. I want honesty. I want someones real self.

As I get older, I am more afraid to show who I really am. I hold back a bit. I allow my experience to lie to me and tell me that when people get to know me they will feel differently (bad) about me than when they just meet me. Instead of living in the truth; I am the same imperfect as everyone else... And love isn't love if what someone loves is only the good parts of me, because that's hardly who I am. I am kind and mean, I am patient and demanding. I am strong and fragile. I am opinionated and unsure. I am independent and longing. I am a woman and a child. I am passionate and easily distracted. I am driven and without direction. I am loving and hesitant. I am love truth and fear honesty.

I am in process.

Opposites. I like them. I am OK with them.

And I love this wall.