An empty finger

My depression was triggered by my husbands affair. We had been married for 13 years when I first suspected he was cheating on me. It took me almost a year to prove it and obviously our marriage ended. I miss being married. I miss having a ring on my finger. I miss having somebody to share my life with. I miss being in a relationship.

Every day I am reminded of what he did to me. It messed me up mentally. I literally had a breakdown at work and got sent home. Really not good when you work in a school!

I confronted them both, and they both denied it, although she did tell me she needed my husband in her life to feel balanced. And when I did prove their affair I told her partner and she had the nerve to tell me I was the unreasonable one who had ruined her life!

It broke me. It left me feeling inadequate as a wife and a woman. It left me feeling fat, ugly, unworthy and empty. I met my husband as a teenager so I’d never been an adult without him in my life.

I’ve spent 4 years trying to rebuild myself and I’m definitely in a better place than I was then, but I am not the person I was before, or who I want to be.

I still have days when I really can’t function! I still have a house that looks like a candidate for how clean is your house (that’s the telling thing! I used to have a spotless house!) and my plans for the future still seem overwhelming. But I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and that is progress.