Do Not Use - Pigeon Poop Inside!

After a whole weekend without adequate levels of caffeine (due to the coffee maker being packed away while we redecorate the kitchen), I was looking forward to a steaming hot cup of freshly brewed coffee from the office peculator. So, you can imagine my disappointment when I arrived in the office to see a make-shift clean up crew de-poopifying the kitchen after two pigeons apparently spent the weekend locked inside. It seems that the pigeons got into the office on Friday night, and, rather than try to get them out, the cleaners simply closed the kitchen door and locked them in for the weekend.
As you can imagine, the kitchen was absolutely covered in shit - including the kettle, coffee maker and all the cups sitting on the worktop. What's worse is that the kitchen has now been labelled as "off limits" until it gets steam cleaned. Further, the kettle and coffee maker have been thrown in the bin, leading to the unprecedented situation of a software development team working without proper levels of caffeine! I think today might be a complete write-off, and I can imagine that most of us will be asleep at our desks by mid-afternoon (save for the one guy who doesn't drink tea or coffee).
Wish us luck, and, if you work nearby, send coffee!