What time do you call this?!!!

We've been pacing the wall all night waiting for you to show up! You should have been back here hours ago explaining yourself and posting your blip!

I've been round every graveyard and seedy corner in town expecting to find you squawking in a bush somewhere. I've even been over the bridge by TK Maxx looking for you and you know there are some very rough birds up there! I finally went round all the bus shelters as it was raining. (Hmmm I did quite well there actually and got half a battered sausage and a cone of chips but don't tell your mother as I'm supposed to be getting my chip belly down a bit) but that is beside the point!

You have always been very inconsiderate even when you were an egg. Two weeks late you were! Your mother was crippled carrying you about. She thought she was giving birth to a rugby ball and she hasn't been the same since! When I tried to get amorous after overdoing the curry sauce with the lads a few weeks later, she gave me a big peck in a rather unfortunate place and I've been singing like Tweetie Pie ever since. You might think that's funny but a macho seagull like me singing like a canary is not very good at all!

And you didn't even remember to bring a loaf of bread! Pah!

Track? Here's some BBM (Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker and Gary Moore) for you - Waiting in the Wings