Oops!

I apologise this is a long write up so skip to the last paragraph for the good stuff! 
Well  it's taken something dramatic to get me back to blip! I have a broken leg!! It happened 2 weeks ago in the field - Oscar was chasing Ivy and she was running striaght towrds me and didn't stop! I think she tossed me in the air! Huskies are pure muscle and at speed are no joke! John wanted to get me on my feet but I knew I'd done something bad! My leg was at a right angle - no bone poking out but could not move it for the pain. I phoned for an ambulance and then called round to several froiends - none of whom answered! Not the Exile who was over for a week, Nellie nor Vegan Jo! I got through to the owner of the field and asked her to bring up blankets and hot water bottles. I thought I would be in the field for many hours! I finally got Nellies partner who said he would get hold of her. She arrived with the field owner and I was wrapped in blankets and 2 hot water bottles and Nellie went off to get some paracetamol as the Ambulance responder suggested. An hour and a half later the ambulance arrived! I refused pain relief - gas and air dries my mouth out and that would make me liable to miss swallow and panic - last thing I needed was a panic attack! So I shouted at him " I won't take it! Just move my eg!" so he did! Ouch! They had to get another ambulance to pull me out of the field on the stretcher by which time The Exile arrived to take my car and collect Oscar from John who had. arleady left with the dogs. As Plymouth had ambulances queing I opted to go to Exeter - an hours journey and I get car sick! Still refusing any pain or sickness relief! 
Diversions on way to Exeter - oh joy! But finally there and after being processed and left in a side room taken to A&E. More waiting - had paracetomol and then taken for an X-Ray  which made me cry and after mre waiting a CT scan which made me scream in pain when they moved me! Finally accepted Morphine! at 9pm!  I was put in a soft brace from thigh to ankle.transferred to a ward and Nellie got picked up  by her partner who brought me my phone charger and some money!! Not much sleep - morphine and codeine - oh boy they gave me nausea  and did not make me feel light and fluffy!  Next day saw 2 lovely surgeons and told it was a bad break, not the worst they's ever seen but bad! Surgery  a must!  Saw physio  and OT - was able to use a walking frame but not crutches. Another night of no sleep as two patients who screamed and yelled on and off all night.I developed a migraine and had the curtains drawn for the rest of the day and wore a blindfold and ear plugs to shut out the world! Next day home! The Exile picked me up - horrendous journey home with nausea - and then had to pull myself up steps into the house and across the conservatory into the kitchen and onto the sofa! Nellie came and cooked for me and then I had the night by myself. I'd spoken to sister on the second day so she was coming down sunday with the cat! 
So- a week of sleeping in my kitchen - thank god I'd had it done and had a lovely IKEA sofa to sleep on! Learnt how to move to bathroom using a stool and the walking frame. Organised 2 blokes to take oscar out am and pm with my sister doing  the field play days with Ivy! I basically shut down and watched Chinese  dramas and barely spoke - just diverting myself from thinking of the surgery! Terrified of the anaesthtic - irrational, total fear! 
Ayhow trip to Derriford which I had to arrange as the paperwork never got to them from Exeter and so noone was going to call me it turned out! Another  bottom shuffle out the house - this time partygirl took me! Saw surgeon - plate, screws and bone graft - 6 weeks recovery then 6 weks physio!  Bloods, pulse etc taken Had to give myself blood thinning injections daily - MRSA treatment for 5 days prior to surgery! Another migraine during all this so really not taking in much about anything! Didin't even see the nurse who took bloods as eye mask back on! 
Another week then got the phonecall - in the next day at 7am!  PartyGirl and Nelllie took me in - I lied and said Nellie was my official carer due to anxiety so she stayed with me till 1 in the afternoon when I finally went down for op after seeing another surgeon and the anaesthatist who listened to my insane fears re anaesthetic! . Another wait as they hadn't drawn arrow on my leg! Theatre nurse reassuring me had best surgeon and anaesthatist as my break was bad - so that was a positive!! Into little anaesthatist area and I knew no more! 
Woke up on a. ward - no pain, no memory of recovery, saying " hello" to everyone! Then taken to another ward - all single rooms  so that was great! Amazed to see just this white padding on my leg! Next day gave myself a strip wash in bed, IV and oxygen as blood pressure low. Next day saw physio - was able to bend my knee after 2 weeks! Only taking paracetamol as codeine made me feel so yuk.  Was due to be taken home at 4 but finally left at 8 - carried into house on a chair!
So now I can put foot on floor but no weight bearing for 6 weeks - just some daily exercises. Took morphine  during first night home - dose was 20-30 mls but I took 5mls. Thank heavens - it completely wasted me for the night and rest of the day! I obviously have a high tolerance for pain but really low for medications!!!I would have been comatose if I had taken any more!!Oscar is having the time of his life - walks with and field play with another dog 3x and eve walks with another dog! He is basically ignoring me as I have no function - no walks and can't feed hm! Everyone been so supportive and helpful. Overwhelmed by everyones offers of support and sympathy.
 Yesterday PartyGirl, Vegan Jo and The Angel came round - they stayed 2 hours  with me and we counselled The Angel in leaving her gaslighting partner.! They said how they had come round for me but all spoke of their own issues! Too funny! 
Can't believe I have had no IBS, no panic, no miss swallowing, no fear of being trapped by people in my living space! I feel like how I was 4 years ago prior to the  collapse that led to my panic and anxiety. Party girl told Vegan Jo she felt like she had the real me back! It's like this trauma has reversed the trauma o f the past! Oh and one thing that delighted me was the fact that when I was in recovery I insisted they phoned my sister and that I spoke to her. Laura said I was away with the fairies but she did catch me saying " It's done. Go have a glass of wine!" I was so worried that I might have been offensive to people when I came round and was disinhibited!!