The difference in a day

Yesterday I was planning your last walk, your last meal, your last thing you see - which of course would be ME. You are everything to me.

You've had the finest ham, way too much cheese, you've even been allowed on the settee for goodness sake.

I am racked with pain, I hurt beyond belief. I can't sleep or swallow my food.

Yet this morning it appears my puppy is back.

I am sure your leg looks better.

We go to the vets at 8.30 for your operation.

You bounce onto the seats in the waiting room. You haven't been like this for weeks. In fact in 11 and a half years you have never once jumped onto seats. I'm so proud. Another hug dished out. I'm more than happy for you to sit there.

I give you a wink.

The nurse comes to take you away but I ask to see the vet.

She goes away and comes back. Again I say no I want to see the vet.

Off she goes and back again. NO I WANT TO SEE THE VET or I will go elsewhere for another opinion.

Vet arrives. She's as stunned as me. Leg looks so much better. Still horrendous but certainly not what it was. She is categorically clear she doesn't need to operate. It's not what she thought. Or doesn't now appear to be. It's funny how the THING of what she thought it was is not mentioned or given a name yet this THING had such a terrifying presence in our house.

I ask if she's sure. Absolutely categorically sure. She says yes maybe another fortnight of the same antibiotics. I check the dose. It's wrong. Of course it is. As has been every single medical hospital thing I've ever experienced either myself or with family. We get the correct dose and leave.

How much pongo did I sob in the car. I'm so sorry about that I know it must have been so embarrassing. But I told you I wouldn't let you down. Right home for more cream and tablets and a handful of finest ham you fabulous boy.

A lesson learned - a little reminder - life is too short.

yesterday i didnt feel like writing about it but we went to the American airbase at Greenham common. My mind was kind of elsewhere but it would have been very interesting. I sat in some old cars they smelt amazing.

On the way there we visited nanny. She has had shingles for a month. We did not realise how ill she was. It was a bit of a shock.

After the vets I dropped pongo off who was greeted by monkey almost as pathetically as my wailing in the car park. A quick dose of Medici and ALL the finest ham I realise there is not much food so go on a food mission.

Waitrose lidl and aldi - I suddenly have a lot if energy can't believe its all done by 11 so I decide to visit nanny.

She is not good at all. It's quite distressing. I make lots of cups of tea and we chat a lot in between pain bursts.

I make a steam meal. We have haddock in dill sauce carrots broccoli and new pots. She LOVES it and eats the sparrows portion up.

Poor nanny has a screaming fit. It was horrendous but so quiet her voice is so weak. It reminds me of my back when I had my screaming fit. It's horrendous I can't stand to see it. It also reminds me of my nanny. I can't stand to think about it.

After I've calmed nanny down I go for a little walk round the garden and come back in and phone her dr. She has been told two weeks ago after her two week course of anti virals there is nothing more she can have. Ridiculous. If course the drs are in a meeting til after 3. I request a call back.

I sit with nanny for four hours. We talk about all sorts of subjects. The war, houses, life, people. Her grandad was head gardener at St Gabriel's when it was a private home. Fascinating.

I race home to shove my shopping in the fridge which has been festering beautifully in my muggy warm car. The dr calls back and prescribes the prescription I have requested recommended by the pharmacist. It's some kind of antidepressant but will hopefully relax the nerve endings that are on high alert at the moment. I don't think he wanted too but I went into charm overdrive and practically asked if hd had been working out.

I have to get to another village to collect it before 6.30. I phone husband who is of course more than happy to take me. Now a manic half hour of finishing throwing food into fridges, dog medicine and preparing dinner ready to cook when we get back.

We stay with nanny til 8. I love the traffic jam if ponies we are behind by nanny's house. I love living in the country. Well ok market town/country.

Nanny is so pleased with her prescription. I award myself with a piece if the fabulous cake Alice has made but nanny doesn't have appetite at the mo.

Well... It's butter icing ... It will only go off... Yum yum