Milestone

Whoever would have believed that pancake day could cause such an internal battle! I hadn’t even realised it was today until colleagues began chatting about it over coffee after the workshop today. My immediate reaction was ‘not me’, but as I drove home I thought about the 48 years of making pancakes on Shrove Tuesday. We never missed it! In the early years, when fostering with up to 6 children in the house, it, could take a couple of hours to cook and serve them. In latter years, with just the two of us, not so long! Did I want to bother just for me? Should I do it to maintain the tradition? If he was here……But he’s not……. My brain was frazzled. In the end I did it, and I still don’t know why. I did learn, that despite living on microwave ready meals and not cooking anything really for 8 months, I can still make decent pancakes. They were very nice, but did I enjoy them? I still don’t know the answer. It’s lonely eating on one’s own, and food is no longer enjoyable, sitting on the sofa, without conversation etc. and as for the amount of washing up!!!!

I still have several milestones to go in the next couple of months; my birthday, Mother’s Day, wedding anniversary, diagnosis day, Father’s Day, THE anniversary; I’m dreading them all, but I survived Pancake Day!