'Babylon'

When I worked in Edinburgh, I'd regularly go to the cinema, often once or twice a week, sometimes more, favouring the Cameo, the Dominion, and the Filmhouse.

As you can imagine, I saw a lot of films, but the only one I ever walked out of was 'The Royal Tenebaums', which, until this evening, was the worst film I've ever seen. However, it's position at the top of my personal pile of cinematic stinkers has been usurped by 'Babylon'.

Up until the film started, I had enjoyed a happy evening, having met Simon at the Gas Lamp for a drink after work, where we were joined by Yoss and one of his students.

At half-seven, I met the Minx at The Everyman, where we ordered some food and settled down to watch the film, which started at eight. I think I'd started consciously trying not to fidget by half-past, and I distinctly remember looking at my watch at quarter to ten thinking "Surely it can't last much longer?"

But it did. The complete absence of any sense of story or feeling of narrative arc meant that I simply had no idea of how much time was left, although what time there was seemed to have been stretched and slowed.

In the end, it finished at eleven, by which time the Minx had gone to wait for me out in the bar, while I remained, teeth gritted, determined not to be beaten.