There's something wrong with eggs

There's something wrong with eggs. Last week they seemed happy to be here in the shire but today it seems we have a slight revolt. Needing a wee break here pal, trust you get my meaning. If not then no worries but take a wee look over your shoulder in a wee while. Just in case you understand. You can never be too careful eh?
Ah mean, me and you are completely brilliant pals right? So when push comes to shove an all, its balls up for the both of us if you get ma meaning. Nobody likes any of that chib stuff. Might end up in the Bar-L an all that to be honest. An if that's no a joke enough for ye then there's always the chance, an am no saying anything here really, of a wee fall out which nether of us would like if you get ma drift, just saying you understand.
The eggs are completely rank, an that's no kidding pal. So rank that even a smelly dead skunk would avoid them in a snowstorm. Not sure why I even put up with the pointy buggers to be honest. Suppose its all relative though. Just seen a wee joke which reads "A Glasgow man, steaming and skint, is walking down Argyle Street, when he spots a wee guy tinkering with the engine of his car."Whit's up Jimmy?" he asks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel!"
I don't get it either to honest. Just saying you understand ...