Who Am I To Disagree?

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

Everyone hates people who discuss their dreams. Well. Most people. 

Soozle was actually pretty into the dream interpretation. The most important thing, she emphasised, was how you felt in the dream. 

"Well, I was pretty anxious," I would say.

"Aha," she would nod, with sagacity. "That would be an anxiety dream."

Truly amazing.

Ellie told me about some of her dreams last year. I recycled Soozle's technique. Ellie's dreams were wild, Mad Max style tales of survival and conflict. 

"Aha," I said, rubbing my chin. "That would be an anxiety dream."

"That's true!" she said. 

You see? It works. 

My anxiety dreams follow a very similar pattern, right back from the days of Soozle to this day. I'm driving a car without a licence for reasons that only make sense in the dream. I am very worried that I will be caught by the police so try to drive very carefully. But then the car goes haywire, in all directions, spinning out of control. 

You can see why I am resistant to learning to drive. But I don't have that dream so much anymore. 

Of late my dreams puzzle me, but they don't bother me. They are relatively pleasant, but also somewhat nostalgic. In all of my dreams lately I'm back in Edinburgh and/or Scarborough. It's like a conflation of both. 

Mo is often in these dreams too. I don't know why Mo. I never even knew him when he was in Edinburgh as a backpacker.

I'm back in these places trying to reconnect with a time or place or memory. And the sense of memory is really strong. I'm aware that I'm back there after a while away, but things have changed.

And then, while looking for Mo or going back to a flat we shared or going to a pub we used to drink in, I'll meet other people. They are not people that I recognise but we hit it off right away. 

All these dreams tend to end in the pub. I'm having a good time and sometimes Mo is there. Sometimes other people who may be friends of mine even though I wake up wondering who the eff these people are. 

Some of them are so vivid I sometimes wake up asking myself, "Did I know someone like that? Did I?"

It's strange because it's triggered something in my conscious mind too. I seem to find myself drifting off into memories of flats and jobs and streets of times past. Remembering inconsequential items of furniture and pictures on the walls that I thought I'd forgotten, after being reminded of them in dreams. 

It's a strange feeling, like coming unstuck in time. 

What all this means I do not know. If Soozle were to ask me how I felt in these dreams, I'd say happy and relaxed. I guess that's a good sign. 

But it feels like there's a theme here, about coming to terms with the past. I think that's what this year is going to be about. 

It's likely I will be coming back home this year. And I suppose that's on my mind a lot. Dream Me seems comfortable with this. And Dream Me seems pretty keen on the idea of going to the pub.

Who am I to disagree?

S.