A lesson

The tree fairy finished decorating the tree last night. She didn’t deposit herself on the top, though; she put a star up there because she is one – even if she does say so herself.

The water is back on! Thanks for the concern yesterday. There were a few air bubbles in the pipes that exploded out of the tap, but now it’s back to normal: all gushy and wet.

I dragged Mr Pandammonium to the big Tesco in Wisbech. I hadn’t been there before, but I noticed a while ago there’s a big Tesco. Wisbech is a lot nearer than the big Tesco I usually go to at this time of year.

I didn’t know exactly where in Wisbech Tesco was, so I google-mapped it. I glanced at the route to make sure it wasn’t crazy and to see where it changed course from what I was used to, and we set off. Brum brum!

Mr Pandammonium noticed Google said it would take nearly an hour and a half. I hadn’t noticed when I glanced at the route. It did seem too long, but the route had seemed ok, and I remembered the slow road versus fast road thing. Anyway, I couldn’t do anything about it, what with using a mobile phone when driving being illegal. I concluded Google had its knickers in a twist.

Around the point I expected to turn off, Google said to turn left. The road was an unpaved drove. I did not want to drive along that, so I continued straight on. Google replotted the route and took us along roads in the middle of nowhere, with us losing our bearings and getting more and more suspicious, until Google said to turn onto a National Cycle Route. A cycle path. I can’t drive a car on a cycle path.

I stopped in a convenient mud-holed passing place and checked Google Maps properly. For some reason, it was set to cycling directions instead of driving directions. That explained a lot. I reset it to driving and Google replotted the route.

We set off, but only got about half a metre (about one and a half feet) because a car turned into the road, so I had to stop in a mud hole and let the car pass. Henry did not want to leave the mud hole. I had to proper give it some welly, bits of mud flying everywhere. It was a good job the windows were closed.

Eventually, we found big Tesco, bought half of it, and put it in the car. I needed to find out how to get to the road we would’ve taken if the Google Maps settings had been correct in the first place, so I asked Google again, making sure the settings were correct. When we got to the aforementioned road, it was plain sailing.

Once we’d put the shopping away and had a cup of tea with water from the tap, I put some tinsel up in the kitchen, and arranged some fairy lights along the wall I tiled. I think it will look better next year if I remember how I should’ve done it and to do it.

We went to investigate The Swan, which used to be the Swan on the River, but is now The Swan, owned by some hotel company I’ve never heard of.

The website suggests it’s catering more to tourists than to the locals and shows that the food is expensive, and doesn’t appear to cater for vegans. Even the vegetarian menu is limited. We were worried about the drinks prices, but they were no worse than Ely and Cambridge – which isn’t to say they’re cheap.

They’ve done the inside up, removed the window blinds and painted lots of things blue. The fire in the middle of the bar is still there. The ceiling lights are ok to walk under if you’re my height, but not if you’re Mr Pandammonium’s height. The sinks in the ladies’ are just high enough to be awkward for someone of my height, but a shorter person might struggle.

Later, we binge-watched the last three episodes of Bad Sisters, which I’d describe as dark comedy, on Apple TV. Mr Pandammonium didn’t think he’d like it at first, but he got into it. You really can’t blame any of the characters for wanting to do what someone did – not that I’m condoning what they did. We correctly guessed who ‘they’ was.

I’ve got DOMS: it hurts when I straighten my arms.