I Am Aroused By Curtains

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

I got a few messages today from Project Gromit team members wishing me well on my first day at Kiwibank. 

I had to tell them that I don't actually start until Wednesday.

"OMG jealous," replied Briar. 

So my Monday was actually LOVELY. The weather was beautiful, I had a nice relaxing day with Caro and the cats. Naps were had. 

This meant I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for my call with the Princess this evening.

And it occurred to me that I have not - for a while anyway - talked about how much I simply LOVE the Princess. I mean. I suspect you know anyway, but I've talked a lot about Ellie-love and Corrie-love and Jefe-love but the Princess IS the OG. She is my bestest friend and I love her.

I love her to the point where I only have to think of her and I'm happy. Even if I'm low - especially when I'm low - the very thought of her is enough to cheer me up.

You really did help to get me through my first couple of years over here, Princess. Do you know that? 

I suspect she does. 

Even if we have been separated by half the planet for five years, the tyranny of distance means nothing. When she was here last month I had a wonderful time with her. 

And that happened again tonight. We talked for about two hours and it went like nothing. I can't even remember most of what we talked about but it ranged from political to personal from hilarious to hearbreaking. 

We are all over the place and there's a lot of "Ooh! Also! That reminds me!" when we talk. We reminisce but also talk about plans. We agree but we also take the p*ss. Tonight I sympathised with the Prince for being subjected to PRINCESS MOCKERY and told the Princess to "f*ck off" on his behalf. 

We also covered the fact that I am apparently a psycho for liking airline food (THE EXPERIENCE OF HAVING CUTE LITTLE THINGS OF FOOD BROUGHT TO ME NOT THE FOOD ITSELF) and how to over-think parties and fun ice-breakers at team meetings.

"I hate those bloody 'Tell One True Thing About Yourself' things," said the Princess. 

This drew complete agreement from me. I hate them too. 

"WHY," she continued, "WHY would you tell some ****ing stranger something personal and random about yourself like I'm sexually aroused by curtains not that I am."

She was quick to deny it. Too quick. 

"How do you feel about blinds? And do they have to be floor length?" I asked.

It was at this point that Murphy Dog asked to be taken for a walk. It is probably as well because things were about to turn FILTHY. 

But just so you know Princess, I absolutely love you and I always will. We are in some ways exactly the same, in others completely different people. But we fit together. We work as mates. And we always will. 

I mean. I may not love you as much as you love home upholstery. But it's okay. I accept your disgusting deviant perversions. That's how much I love you.

And I can't wait to see you again xxx. 

S. 

p.s. Oh, we also discussed Feef's recent hotel experience. I mention this here purely to remind myself to write about THAT tomorrow.