Contemplating fear

Bella wanted to meet the new cat, so her Papa brought her over for an impromptu visit. Cat and child made eye contact for a few seconds before Kismet disappeared under the couch to stay. Bella was troubled about the cat's fear. We all went for a stroll and stopped at a coffee house, where I got this shot. Then we walked on to the library, where Bella searched through stacks of books for ones with cats in them, looking for answers to her questions.

Kismet is indeed afraid, so far, of everything that moves. I learned last night that she's terrified of being on a bed. Judging by her desperate need to get away from the bed when I put her on it, and her fear of approaching me when I was on it, I expect some prior human in her experience made a bed off-limits, perhaps by cruel means. Our life history can be read in our fears.

Bella's questions led me to reflect on my fears and those of others I know: fear of being a disappointment; fear of not being smart or quick enough, not being cute, strong, or thin enough; fear of failure and disapproval; fear of not being important to those who are important to us (common to children of alcoholics, workaholics, and parents for whom something matters more than the needs of their children). We absorb deep fears in childhood. There is nothing we want more, as children, than to please the adults in our lives. We fear to fail them, and we think everything that goes wrong is our fault. Bella is fortunate to have parents who don't need to fulfill failed hopes in her, parents who don't criticize and drive her to be what they need her to be. I wish all beings could be so fortunate.

For those who would like to see more of Ashland, Oregon, there's a set of twenty photos here, including a few vineyards.

I'm compiling a book of photos for Bob and Jeremy's anniversary, and a selection of twenty pictures of them, including some from earlier times when we went to Ashland together, are here.