In vein.....

Customer: "I've just come back from a frightfully expensive holiday in Italy, and I've literally been eaten alive by mosquitoes. They love my blood you see....Horace says it's because I'm so sweet, ahahaha. He says if I don't have immediate treatment, I could literally get malarial shingles, which would utterly ruin Christmas for the children!" (I have no idea who Horace was, but with that kind of diagnosis, I suspected he wasn't one of the medical fraternity.)

She rattled on about Horace and Italy for at least another ten minutes, until eventually I managed to sneak a sentence of my own into the barrage.

"So whereabouts," I asked, trying desperately to sound like an almost doctor "were you bitten?"

"Darling, I thought I'd made it perfectly clear," she said in obvious bemusement......"Venice!"