Meantime - in a Kirkwall Cafe

Babs:  I’m no kidding Mabel it wis yon big,  A muckle brute o’ a thing.  I nearly phoned the boabies.
 
Mabel:  Are you getting a restraining order ?
 
Babs:  No, we’ve reconfigured his pen.
 
Mabel:  His pen ?
 
Babs:  Yes, it’s a Scheaffer, very fine point.  He has two very fine points.  Keeps them hidden away.
 
Mabel:  His nibs ?
 
Babs:  Aye, himsel’.
 
Mabel:  … so are you no sure it wasnae his tight breeks ?
 
Babs:  So you heard aboot the cairry on at the washing green ?  It snapped again.
 
Mabel:  Hope you don’t mind me saying Babs, but would you mind moving back a peedie bit ?
 
Babs:  Whit noo ?
 
Mabel:  How can I put this; are you sure you can tell the difference between, eau de cologne, Jeyes Fluid and cat piddle and pepper ?
 
Babs:  Are you worried it’ll owerpower your reek o’ mothacs?
 
Mabel:  Wisshht, I’ve another problem, and no in the bedroom department.
 
Babs:  Oh ?
 
Mabel:  Aye, it’s me breidmaker.  I think the length of the indeterminate rotating shaft tortional loading is incorrect.  Eve though the material of the shaft is homogenous along the length of the shaft.
 
Babs:  Maybe it’s too little yeast ?
 
Mabel:  I’m no rising to that.  The angle of the twist is not discernible.  Although, of course, I’m no allowing for shearing stress.  In the first iteration I’ll have to calculate the sum of the torques.  Obviously allowing for the radius of the shaft and mandatory other parameters. 
 
Babs:  Self raising ?
 
Mabel:  Who – my Jim ?    He’s a gluten for punishment.
 
Babs:  Afore I leave you to pay the tab, I see her at No 14 took oot the best china when the Meenister visited for the laying on of hands.  She even seeped her tea, pinkie in air.  Put on besom. 
 
Mabel:  How do you ken that ?
 
Babs:  I wis standing on the piano stool, I took it oot onto the balcony.  In no time at all her ego wis roond her ankles.
 
Mabel:  Michty.
 
Babs:  Mabel, whitever you do don’t turn around, but is that yon Blip man ?
 
Mabel:  I thought he was bound over
 
 I paid my bill and left.