Thank you!

Thank you for the response to my blip yesterday - I'm very touched given my absence from blip for most of this year! 
This morning was coffee with Nellie once more. I had a taster pack from nespresso and for the last few weeks she has been drinking them and writing how she found them - she has one capsule left to try then I submit her choice and get a free sleeve of it! Her children are most amused at this and by the fact that she returns each week with something from me. My Gousto box often has chilli peppers or chilli powder or chilli sauce which I won't let near my food! Plus I don't use as much of  the rice or curry powder each recipe requires so I end up with a glut! So Nellie gets all this! I also loaned her tins for the pop up cafe last weekend and gave her daughter my microwave when they came out of hospital so they could heat Lowen's milk. I rarely use it and it has been in my upstairs room since I had my kitchen done! It's great having someone to give all these things to! She is doing me a favour by taking it!
Today we had a discussion about forgiveness prompted by a book she lent me, The Choice by Edith Eger, the story of her life and being a Holocaust survivor. I've luckily only had a few bad experiences/ incidents where with time I have come to accept what happened, tried to understand why people acted as they did, and been able to let the experience and the emotions they provoked go. But I do not think I have ever got to the stage of forgiving the people involved. This is with minor incidents compared to what Edith went through, or what someone who has lost a loved one through the brutal actions of another goes through. I am thinking of the Lockerbie father who forgave the perpetrators. Also the current case of the nurse who allegedly killed babies in her care. I think I view people who commit such heinous acts to be damaged, having a disorder which compels them to act in such a way. I don't think I can accept the fact that a sane person could otherwise commit such acts. But even given this I don't think I could forgive them if I was a parent of their victims. I do have a strong sense of right and justice and people being called to account - but when this is not possible I can see that letting go is better for ones quality of life and own mental well being. An old headteacher  is a case in point - she damaged other peoples careers and did not act in the best interest of the children ( I'm certain she thought she did!) But if  years later I hadn't been able to let this go, she would still be exerting influence on me and the only damage would be to myself by myself. But do I forgive her?  Hell no! Perhaps does this mean  I have not let it go?!
 As usual I don't think we solved the issue for ourselves but we did spend a long time discussing it! 
I'd forgotten I know someone who was held hostage and who joined The Forgiveness Project. I will now go and look at the site  and maybe it will help me sort out what forgiveness means! This is her story
After I'd walked her home Oscar and I saw the horse in its usual field. Oscar is fascinated by horses and this time it came from the other side of the field to meet us. They actually had a snuffle of each other through the fence - but then suddenly Oscar started barking at it and I pulled him away quickly! I don't know if it was excitement or intimidation - luckily the horse was not bothered by it!