Nuts

An inauspicious start to the week continued today, with the only blot on the landscape being a ticking-off by text from the wee one’s school.

My crime? I had sent them both in with a lunch box containing a cereal bar laced with peanuts. Whilst m’boy was able to sit and calmly eat his without heads exploding all around him, The Youngest was quickly rumbled. I can’t be 100% on what happened next, but I believe steel shutters slammed down over all the doors and windows as a small army clad in hazmat suits burst in to de-peanut everyone with high power epinephrine darts.

The Youngest was sent to the Head’s office and given a blindfold and an edible cigarette, as government goons grilled her over her possession of the lethal snack. Fortunately, The Youngest is nothing if not resourceful and always keeps a stockpile of emergency Snickers bars sellotaped to her midriff. The tops of the bars connected by another carefully placed piece of tape allow her to tear them all open with a single pull. She was able to wriggle free and with one hand she exposed her tummy (another crime/another text) whilst the other held the pull string, she backed away to the exit door unafraid of the hazmats threatening to encircle her. 

On the other side of the door, she ripped a Snickers from her person, calmly peeled the top off and took a bite of the bar. That was a close one. The sun was getting real low. As she cooly walked away from the mess her father had created, she pulled two more Snickers bars from her stomach, opened them and nonchalantly dropped one either side of her. 

Lowering her shades against the brightness of the setting sun, a calm smile crept to her face as behind her the discarded Snickers’ ignited, and the building which had once threatened to hold her prisoner erupted in a spectacular explosion. 

She carried on walking, somehow weaving a clear path through through a rain of fiery peanuts. 



So anyway, I was a Bad Dad today and won’t be sending any more nutty snacks into school…and of course, heartily apologise for my oversight. 

The best part of the day was when the wee ones were catching up with your comments on their blips and called their sister over to read the comments. I love those moments where they are all together in something and for once had the presence of mind to capture it!