doors opening

So much time in my life I spent waiting outside closed doors, thinking that luck could be found somewhere behind. In "bad" times I used to comfort myself with the idea that there were better times to come, and I kept waiting. I was so convinced that the right key was to be found somewhere, so if I just kept searching everything would be fine. Finding the right job with the right amount of money, the right place to live, the right circumstances, the right friends. All these years I kept knocking, begging, shouting, crying, waiting for doors to open, - patiently waiting for my turn to be happy. Reading wise books, running here and there, haunting dreams and fancy concepts, trying this and that, and in between the recreation of childhood dreams  and the nightmares that usually followed right after, feeling glimpses of happiness, but always falling back again, this longing for more, always suspecting that something was missing, so I kept arguing, resisting and fighting with life. In the end, completely exhausted,  I realised that everything was there already. Life had always been there with all the good and the bad stuff,  absolutely complete and in all its beauty, and I was in the middle of it. Nothing really missing, no  need to go anywhere. So little to know, just being there, living, was more than enough. 

Embracing my beloved life, that not always gave me what I thought I wanted, but always what I needed, good and bad, sweet and sour, dark and light.  I realised that I was free to do everything I wanted. Suddenly the doors seem to be open everywhere, I could just walk right in. Every moment a gift of experience, a new chance to align with the flow of life.