Day 3

I did get my act together and take Dog for a walk mid afternoon and took a snap at the seafront. There is an extra today of Kirk, at their farewell gig in 1977.

Still not sleeping well, but amassed about 4.5 hours. Liam and I went to the local pub/hotel for breakfast and to enquire about the ‘do’ after the funeral. They are happy to accommodate us and a provisional booking was put in place. We then went to the florist and told her what we wanted, again, although we had thought it may be difficult, she was more than happy to oblige. I need to email across a photo and she will call on Monday with costs. 

Liam dropped me home and set off. I don’t know how Liam felt, but I was reminded of the visits to my own mum after my dad died and how I hated seeing her standing at the door looking so sad and forlorn that I was leaving. So, I smiled and waved cheerily as Liam drove off! 

Dog was ecstatic to see me, and I am mindful that he has not been left alone at all for months. I cracked on with stripping beds and doing the washing, remaking beds etc. I sorted through all B’s meds and now have 2 huge carrier bags to return to the pharmacy! I was doing ok on autopilot until I dropped an unopened can of coke on the kitchen floor and it exploded. The kitchen was awash with cola and tears! 

That cleaned and cleared, and floor mopped I decided to walk Dog. I was very careful to remember keys, no one at home now, locked the back door and front door after me. When I got home, I found I had totally forgotten the patio doors in the sitting room! 

I can’t explain myself other than to say I don’t feel like me! 
From 6pm onwards I was really low, not just tearful but overridingly feeling sorry for myself. Anyone that knows me, knows that just isn’t me, so who am I then? When Eileen rang, I was mean, not helping at all when she didn’t know what to say to me, so apologies Eileen!

I did the quiz over FaceTime with Daniel and it helped. Maybe it’s having the conversations and a laugh with someone. It’s not easy to crack a joke with oneself and laugh! 

Off to bed now, let’s see what tomorrow brings.