Attack!

He clearly thought my pain au chocolat (an extra) was an alien and growled and squared up to it until that last mouthful had gone!

Last night B had a sedated and peaceful night. I on the other hand was awake every half hour to check he was breathing.

The whole day he has slept, an occasional grunt or chest bubble or moan but he looks peaceful. I talk to him a lot, and wander the house with no idea what to do with myself. I’ve been selfish and asked him for ‘one more day’ and I’ve told him I will be alright and he can go when he wants. My emotions are a see saw. At one point I decided to just go through my photos for a year and talk through the memories for each one. We started with 2020, which of course was lockdown year and tomorrow we will do 2017 when we went to Florida. There is a possibility that he would like to be able to say ‘shut up woman, going on and on’! 

It’s unbearable, with no interaction at all. I know it’s what he wanted, no pain, no gasping for breath, just peace, but for me it’s just watching, performing personal care and waiting.