Soft and C

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends, 

I went into work today although no-one I work with was in. But as I have mentioned lately, it doesn't seem to matter any more. I appear to have reached a point where I can be the most out-there version of myself and other people just have to put up with it. 

It's a strange phenomenon. I am going to call it, "Shenée's Rule of Eff It". She never gave a sh*t. She was always as Shenée as possible. 

I am quite astonished that it works so well. But I am just going with it.

I am definitely using this approach in Ellie's team. They are primarily a technical team who have never had a BA work with them before. This means that they have been given heaps of crap to do by managers making demands without ever having someone like me run interference by using words like "governance", "rigour" and "compliance". 

These are all euphemisms for "eff off and do your own effing work" by the way. 

But technical people do not know this. They just get stressy and upset because of all the work they shouldn't be doing for people who should know better. 

Ellie referred to these people as "sh*tc*nts". 

But NO. Said I.

This is because of a tv show I have been watching called, "Legendary". Legendary is a show all about Vogue-ing competitions. And if you have never seen a Vogue-ing competition (or "Ballroom" as it is known) then you are missing out. Basically it involves people walking the catwalk while dancing. But they also have to follow a theme and achieve "realness" by getting as close to the theme as possible. 

This week's theme was "Soft & C*nt". 

"It's NOT what you think," said a trans woman. "Soft & C*nt is a GOOD thing. It's a POSITIVE thing. It's about celebrating female energy."

And then the competition was underway. The MC (DeShaun) added colour by narrating the catwalk action. 

"And one and two and three - soft and c*nt soft and c*nt and c*nt and c*nt and c*nt and c*nt. Give me soft and c*nt! Cu-cu-cu-cu-cu-cu-C*NT!"

Obviously this was my new favourite thing ever. 

So no, I told Ellie. These people you have to deal with are NOT sh*tc*nts because c*nts are amazing and powerful and feminine. 

The people you are dealing with are D*CKS. I announced. 

Ellie liked this. 

And then I made a startling admission. 

"I LOVE dealing with d*cks!" I said. "From now on you must give me ALL the d*cks! I will do all d*ck-handling from hereon! In fact, I will be taking ALL of the d*cks at once!"

Ellie threatened to get me a t-shirt. 

So I spent today doing just that. It is FUN! I've been asking a hapless d*ck where his Official Documentation is and he is desperately pretending that he has followed the correct process when we both know he has not. It is hilarious. I'm going to make him play this game for at least a week before telling him to do his own effing job. 

And after a day of juggling d*cks I spoke to Shenée. She was a little down today. But after a few minutes of silly chat I could see she was getting her bounce back. She makes me smile too. 

I didn't tell her that she inspires me. Or that she is truly soft and c*nt. 

S.

p.s. It is so very hard to get a good picture of the moon with a crappy phone camera. Nevertheless, I thought this picture of the moon peeking out from behind a tree was not bad. 

It was taken at about 5.30am. Jasper insisted on running around the garden in the moonlight and I am far too indulgent a father to deny the little lad.