My story

As I was taking my afternoon walk I noticed flowers that washed up on the beach. Every so many feet I would see another, then another, and then another. I’m sure they have a story to tell. Who gave them… who received them… why washed up on the beach? What was the occasion… could it have been someone’s birthday, anniversary, maybe “I love you” flowers or for ‘no real reason at all’ flowers, could they be ‘just because’ flowers? Were they for a happy occasion or a sad occasion? In memory of a loved one? I was just wondering what the story was behind them.

Do we ever know others stories, do we ever know what people are really going through on the inside when everything on the outside looks fine. I wanted to share my story especially because I was made aware that today is the last day of May, which is mental health awareness month. Over the winter months I went through a very dark time. It was very scary. I never experience anything like what I was feeling. I felt like I was loosing control. We were packing up the house we had spent the last 20 years in. It was time to downsize. We were getting rid of things that no longer served us. I kept thinking that the things I needed no more, would bless someone else. I was also ready to move and excited to start the next chapter in our new home. Everything seemed fine but I was not feeling well. The short version of the story is I was diagnosis with anxiety and depression after months of not feeling like myself. My mind and body were out of balance. Everyday seemed like groundhog day. I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, I lost my passion for everything, I wasn’t leaving the house, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, I felt scared all the time and worried about everything. Those who know me know this is not me. I actually didn’t want anyone to know my story. I distanced myself from everyone in my life. I just wanted myself back. I felt like I lost myself. I had shared with someone I was dealing with anxiety and their response was, what do you have to be anxious about? You have a beautiful home in Florida and a new home being built in Pennsylvania. They were right, but that didn’t matter to me, I couldn’t enjoy anything I was so consumed with how I was feeling. But like I said, do you ever really know what is going on inside of others.

Yep everybody has a story and this is mine, and I felt it was time to get it out and share it. With the help of God and lots and lots of prayer, the help of my doctor, my husband, (who was also my therapist), I don’t know what I would of done without him and the meds, I’m doing good now. We are in our winter home in Florida at this time, an island located between the beautiful ocean and a huge body of water called the Indian River. This has always been a place of healing for me and I thank God everyday for this place. We are here waiting for our new home to be built. We sold our home in Philly and are make settlement on July 14th on the new house which is still close to where our daughters are. I am feeling so so grateful that I am on the other side of this. Still trying to figure out what happened. I remember always saying to my husband, “how did I get here?” I just think a few years of stressful things caught up with me and boiled me over, and living in a Covid world didn’t help. Even though the move was a good thing it was still stressful. All I know is that I am so so grateful for my life back. Well this is my story, like I said it was time to share it. Never be afraid to share your story, you just never know if your story will help someone else.

#mentalhealthawareness
#mentalhealthmatters
#mentalhealth