High Hopes, Low Achievements

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends,

I went into work today for a meeting with Not-Fazlyn. That is the nickname I have given to the Change & Engagement Lady who is not Fazlyn.

So the meeting lasted 25 minutes, most of which was spent talking about drinking. Not that I mind the subject matter. But I dragged myself off my couch for that. 

All the same, I thought I'd spend the day getting stuff done. Ticking boxes. Doing all the things.

No. 

For one thing, Corrie was off sick so I picked up some of her work and tried to do that. 

No.

Ellie showed up. I just love Ellie. She makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. For example, she often sends me videos of her home life with Aubrey, Casey and AJ. In these videos she often pulls faces like the one above.  

Ellie actually had some work for me! And I'm allowed to spend a couple of hours a week on her stuff so we went for a meeting.

At a cafe. Where we had lunch. And while we were eating we had normal food type conversations on subjects such as constipation and diarrhoea. 

Her ex-flatmate had terrible issues. Possibly coeliac. All Ellie knew was that bread was BAD. Bread bunged the flatmate right up. So one night after pizza, the flatmate drank all the laxatives in the flat. 

Ellie found out about this when she was brushing her teeth the next morning. The flatmate SHOT into the room and established herself on the toilet. And did a HUGE wee. It went on for AGES.

It went on SO long, that the true horror dawned on Ellie.

"It WASN'T a wee, Symon!" wailed Ellie. 

Ellie turned to find her flatmate CLINGING with both hands onto the toilet and making a noise like an old-fashioned kettle boiling. "Oooooooooeeeeeeeeee!!" said Ellie, miming.

 "I had to BAN pizza!" said Ellie. "Can you IMAGINE. Banning PIZZA from MY OWN HOUSE."

This was because the flatmate had no self-control. "I once went to a restaurant with her and kept her away from the bread, but when I went for a wee, she ATE IT ALL."

The way Ellie describes it, the flatmate waited for Ellie to go, then HOOVERED up all the available table bread while there was no Ellie to stop her. 

She ended up in hospital. 

"Her stomach was ROCK SOLID with farts," explained Ellie. "She had to be put on a drip."

Ellie ordered a buratta for lunch. It was an experiment. "I have HEARD of buratta. It is like a cheese ball. A ball of cheese," she explained. "But I have never HAD it. Can we have it?"

So we ordered the buratta. Ellie poked at it with bread. "Hmmmmm..." she mused. "I was thinking it might be more than just... cheese."

It was really BLAND cheese too. We both gave up on it. It was nothing to do with the diarrhoea talk, I swear.

Believe it or not we actually did do work also. I love working with Ellie. She is as sharp as a tack and her mind works ultra-fast. We got through a morning's work in about 30 minutes.  

In the afternoon El Jefe turned up to look at the boardroom. "What's broken?" I asked him.

"Oh nothing," he replied. "I just wanted to hang out."

So he and I spent the afternoon chatting and not doing Corrie's work. Then I went for drinks with Jefe and Manda, who was also in town. 

I feel like it has been a very full day. And yet I achieved very little. 

Tomorrow. I will do all the things and check all the boxes tomorrow.

S.