Memories

This came up on my Facebook feed this morning. What a difference 5 years makes, full story Here.

The worst day since diagnosis. B woke up with terribly swollen and painful knees, and the feet had worsened. It was a mammoth expedition to get him to the bathroom, then dressed and into the sitting room. I called the doctor who sorted the prescriptions for somorph, oramorph, antibiotics for the chest and nystatin and said he would send someone out to see him. Not long after Megan and Daniel arrived, so too did two nurses, who then video called with the doctor who said he would also prescribe some cream for the knees. He also spoke a little about ‘making you comfortable at home’. A district nurse called and arranged to order some equipment to help me get him up from the chair, and to the bathroom, it would take about a week. I asked what to do in the meantime and she said she’d try for Thursday! After Dan and Megan had left, at around 4:30 he wanted the bathroom. A full 20 minutes to get there. But that was just the beginning, because he couldn’t get back up. 30 minutes to get him off the loo and it was 5:45 before we reached the bed. Each tiny step eliciting a roar of pain. He sat, perched on the edge of the bed, and for love nor money I couldn’t move him onto it. At 6:30 I called the hospice advice line. At 7:15 Philip arrived and yanked him onto the bed despite the roars of anguish! He was lovely and I certainly couldn’t have done it without him, but was sugar sweet, with the ‘bless you’s’ and sympathy. He stayed for quite some time explaining the different agencies who would be in touch, but to be honest it didn’t go in! I was very tired! He was followed 20 minutes later by two hospice carers who came with a commode. They were much more practical, and got him more comfortable in the Bed, and said they would be sending two carers in tomorrow morning to assist with washing and dressing! I’m still unsure about this element. Grateful because it takes me so long, and it’s painful for him when I am not skilful at it, but so sad that we Seem to have accelerated at such a pace. There was one moment when the carers were here, that just made me realise how far along we seem to be, and life was becoming all that he didn’t want it to be, that I had to excuse myself and just cry for 5 minutes. After they had gone I microwaved a ready meal for me, and then came to bed early. 

As I was writing this he woke and wanted to turn over. I had learnt a little from the carers, and sort of slid him and then moved the leg even when he screamed at me, and now he is much more comfortable and sleeping peacefully. His chest is not even rattling so much, so hopefully the antibiotics kicking in already.