Sex, Lies and Angler Fish

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

I went into the office today. There wasn't anyone else there - at least not from my team. But I seem to have reached that point at Kāinga Ora where enough people know me by now that I feel welcome and comfortable. 

It is sort of nice. 

What was even nicer was lunch with Shenée. She was so sparky and full of energy today. She practically BOUNCED into the restaurant and did her Aussie Shepherd dance when she saw me. 

"It's only been a week and a half," I protested.

"Oh my god! TEN WHOLE DAYS STOFFY!" she replied. 

I know it sounds silly but it is honestly LOVELY. A chap feels so loved. 

She was full of enthusiasm because I have recently bought her a book called, Bitch by Lucy Cooke. I'm not in the habit of just buying her presents but I had to buy her this. It is about:

- Science
- Animals
- Feminism

I mean. That's the Shenée trifecta right there. The book may as well have been called, "This One's for You, Shenée By Lucy Cooke".

The book is primarily about how Victorian gentlemen like Charles Darwin defined the theory of evolution but in a very Victorian way. They refused to believe that FEMALE animals could enjoy sex because obviously decent Victorian ladies certainly did not. The very idea!

Lucy Cooke states that this has hamstrung evolutionary biology ever since and it is only recently that the sexual imperative of female animals is even being recorded, never mind studied. 

Shenée LOVES this stuff. She's been sending me random facts. Here's a text from her this morning:

REMIND ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT HOW CLEVER MALE SPIDERS AVOID CANNIBALISM COPULATION. 

SOME LOSE THEIR DICKS. JUST SAYING.

When I saw her today, we got talking about angler fish sex. Which is a perfectly normal Shenée thing to do. Of course. Apparently the male angler fish is much, much smaller than the female. While she is a fairly fearsome predator, the male is underdeveloped and "couldn't even fight off a goldfish". 

When it comes time to mate, the female puts out some sort of oily substance through her scales. This encourages the teeny tiny males to sort of NIBBLE at her. They become so preoccupied with this, that they attach themselves and then she ABSORBS them. Except their testicles, which just sort of dangle about on the outside. 

But somehow the males are STILL ALIVE. Inside her. Like a sort of parasite. She does all the eating, and they absorb the nutrients and use it to "grow their testicles". 

The female angler fish can do this multiple times. She can have about eight pairs of testicles growing outside her body and when she's ready to fertilise her eggs - BLOOP - just uses a set of testicles to do it. 

Shenée was in TEARS. "Can you IMAGINE?" she said. "Another female comes up and is all, 'There's something different about you - did you get a new pair of testicles?'"

Ahhhhhh... I miss working with Shenée.

When she left me I got a send-off almost as effusive as her greeting. She grabbed my arm and told me I was like her big brother.

"Love you SOOOO much," she told me and then mourned that we wouldn't be seeing each other again until Friday. 

TWO DAYYYYYSSSSS STOFFYYYYY she texted later. 

I will miss her too. It's not just the enthusiasm and the fun and the dancing and the hugs. It's the testicle-talk. 

I'm sure you understand.

S.

p.s. The sky was purple over the supermarket tonight. It's a shame it wasn't over the beach, but I do my best.