A penguin and a soldier walk into a bar ...

If you can make a joke out of that, you're more inventive than I am - which is probably not difficult at the moment as my creative juices are flowing in small quantities and very slowly. 

I have decided, rather like JJ in Three Men In A Boat, that I am not well. I do not need a medical opinion. It is self evident. My bones ache, I am sneezing and have a cough and a headache, am insanely tired, and have no interest in my usual pursuits such as reading and eating cake.

I battled through bravely of course, being heroic; went to the dump, tidied some more of the garden, changed the sheets, did lots of admin.

I completed all the paperwork for our remortgaging today. In the old days you signed on the dotted line, now you sign online. In the old days you lost the paperwork, now you can't find the emails. Except I can as I have a system which works (most of the time). And in the old days you might need to be interviewed, but now you are are assessed with an algorithm.

A man came to look at our broken tumble drier. He agreed with us that it wasn't working and said he would have to come back next week when he had the parts. The visit lasted about three minutes and involved no tools or mechanical interventions but he did use his smartphone to take pictures of the not-working-tumbledrier.

We had singing and dancing in the kitchen this afternoon. Frank Sinatra and Fiddler On The Roof. The Dizzle still has a fine voice and TSM and I had a nice slow dance. Fab.

The penguin fell out of the ceiling some months ago. The soldier just appeared. I think they may both be hallucinations. As I say, I am not a well man and I think I am developing a fever. 

If you think I'm mad when it comes to penguins and soldiers watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIEvws9Khao

PS I thought of a joke but it’s a bit rude.

A penguin and a soldier walk into a bar. The penguin says  "would you like a bishops finger?" The soldier replies "no thanks I had one of those when I was a choirboy. and didn’t much like it." 

(For the uninitiated, in the UK there is a beer called Bishops Finger).