Feijoa Talc

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends,

Tiger and Loulou came around today to take us for cake and a walk on Paraparaumu beach. 

I was all for this. Especially cake.

On our way to the cake place, we drove past an empty lot where construction was happening. This got Caro and Loulou on a conversation about the homes which had been there before. 

"They were RUMPTY* homes," commented Loulou, darkly. 

This got Caro and Loulou on a chat about rumpty homes and rumpty people and hopefully no more rumpties once the new homes were completed.

"What happened to the conversation?" said Tiger. "It got so dark and depressing all of a sudden?"

"I will keep driving this car STRAIGHT INTO THE SEA," replied Loulou. 

"Keep going Thelma," added Caro.

But that seemed to derail the rumpty talk and got us back onto the subject of: fannies. I'm not sure how. It was something to do with a big bag of feijoas that Loulou had acquired. 

She has so many she needs to get rid of them and offered some to Caro. But Caro had apparently scunnered herself on them as a child and consequently never wants to see another feijoa ever again in her life. 

Loulou asked another couple she knows if THEY wanted some of the gross of feijoas in her car. "Ooooh YES!" they said. 

So Loulou was happy.

"We'll take four," they continued.

Not so happy.

I can't recall the next part of the conversation exactly, but I think someone suggested that Loulou use the feijoas to make beauty products like feijoa cream or feijoa talc. This tickled Tiger, because he reckoned it sounded like "feijoa" was becoming a euphemism for a fanny. 

See? I knew we'd get there eventually. 

This caused Caro and Loulou to weigh in on the DANGERS of using talcum powder on your feijoa. As boys we don't know these things, but apparently you never want to powder your feijoa. It's all about the "dab". 

Fannies are such complicated doodads aren't they? Really, with a willy, so long as you don't wave it around too close to heavy machinery you are guaranteed long-term usage.

Caro then shared with the group that her doctor had recently been poking around down there and commented happily that Caro had "plenty of oestrogen". I mean. Just from LOOKING? You can TELL THESE THINGS? Is it like reading TEA LEAVES?

This made me wondering about the hot flushes Caro sometimes experiences. "How long does THAT go on for?" I asked. 

It was a simple, scientific question. I was just curious.

"YEARS," said Caro with malevolent glee. "YEARS and YEARS of this."

"Sounds like she's in need of feijoa talc. What with all that oestrogen," added Tiger helpfully. 

In all the conversation I forgot to mention that I got my cake. It was lovely. You will however note that it was NOT feijoa-flavoured.

S.

* You may recall that this is a Loulou word which has associations with cars parked on the lawn and unsavoury youths yelling at old people.