A Guide: How NOT to Get Arrested at the Mall

A Bubblegummer's Guide:
How NOT to Get Arrested
(When Bad Girls Go to the Mall)

So I got scolded on this day for taking pictures at a local Mall. If T. Tiger had been there, we probably would have gotten arrested and thrown in the clink! Bath & Body Works had sent me another coupon for a freebie item, and I marched in, all excited to get my full-size item at no cost.

I snapped a couple of pictures of Santa in a storefront (Santa? Where the heck is the EASTER bunny?), when a guard stopped me. He told me that there are chain stores in the mall, and that "They don't like to be photographed." Not unlike the Amish, I guess. Maybe they think I'll steal their souls?

He asked if I could please refrain from taking pictures of the chain stores. I said Sure, no problem, in a friendly tone. I turned away from the storefront and snapped a photo of some colorful bubblegum machines nearby. He then turned around and asked me, "Do you mind if I ask what you're taking the pictures for?"

And I replied, "Facebook!" He looked puzzled, so I continued: "I never get to go shopping. This is a big deal. I'm finally going shopping!" He just shook his head and walked away. I had more in mind to do, but - chastened - I was off my game. I simply dashed to the store, used my coupon, and scampered out! Note to self: not going back to the Mall for a while.

Now, of course, I had to go on Facebook and tell my sad tale, and it evoked indignant and protective remarks from many friends, which I greatly appreciated. They closed ranks around me! This one [thank you, JF] really made me laugh:

"You should've told him you haven't been shopping for the past 5 years because you were locked up in a psych ward, then asked him where you could find some lotion and a basket." It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again!

And no offense, of course, to those who HAVE spent the past 5 years in a psych ward. In fact, lemme tellya: at least these past TWO years, you have NOT been missing much out here in the supposedly Really Real World, honestly.

Oh, and bonus points to the lady on my friends list who was offended that "the sweetest person on Earth got SCOLDED???!!!" Thank you, dear; I've never been called THAT before!

Another friend shared a story about her husband taking photos at a local yarn festival, and being threatened with a lawsuit, should he post any of those pictures on Facebook. Yes, and we think of yarn people as peaceful little old ladies. Perhaps, not so much?

Now, I must stop and point out that I was one of the original 80s Mall Dolls. Where did everybody go on a Friday or Saturday night? Why, to the Mall! Because all of the cool stores were there - hello, Spencer's fine gifts! - and all of our friends were there, and it was fun! In fact, 80s girls at the Mall - and our AquaNet bills - kept the economy afloat for DECADES! So this affront is particularly egregious.

My husband, alas, is not a good influence. In fact, we had this conversation on the following morning.
Husband: Go back to the Mall today. Show up in a short skirt and rollerskates, taking pictures as you go. The guard will LOVE that. He'll have to call for back-up!!!
Me: *showing interest, rubbing paws with glee* THEY'LL NEVER CATCH ME!!!!!
(Insert obligatory film reference: Steve Martin rollerskating through a museum in L.A. Story.)
T. Tiger: SIGN ME UP!!!!
Me: *warming to the topic* We'll ALL get arrested! Do some time in the slammer!

Relax, folks. It would all be on the up and up. And I'd be wearing underpants, to protect the world's decency and keep these tales G-rated, for sure. With, perhaps, a particularly pithy word or two printed on the back-side! Accepting all suggestions for what that message should be, and/or for future replies to such security guards.

In my experience, it is real cameras that bring out the antipathy in security professionals. There can be a hundred people standing around snapping photos with cell phones. But let ONE individual whip out an actual camera - with a pretty serious zoom, no less - and WHOA!!! The claws come out! No photos allowed! So a person with a real camera is automatically assumed to have ill intent? Really?

Now, in all seriousness, I did think about it all, and I looked up some legal resources, so here are some things that are worth knowing. First, here are my resources (I am U.S.-based, so legal advice may vary in your country.)
ACLU: Know Your Rights When Taking Photos and Making Audio and Video Recordings.
A Guide to Taking Pictures Without Breaking the Law.
Bert P. Krages II: The Photographer's Right. (Features this quote, which I instantly adore: "Taking a Photograph Is Not a Terroristic Act.")

The bottom line is that a Mall is a space that is privately owned, but with public access. Such establishments may enforce their own rules regarding photography. They may ask you to NOT take pictures. If you do not comply, they can ask you to LEAVE their property. It doesn't take a genius to realize that unpleasant interactions could be avoided through the posting of simple signs such as this: "No photography, please."

As we turned it over in our brains later, I said to my husband, "Hey, at least, I finally have something truly DIFFERENT to talk about." And so what is THAT worth, I ask you? Well *checks watch* I've gotta end this story because I'm puttin' on my mini-skirt, grabbing my rollerskates, my camera, and my Tiger, and heading to the Mall!!! WISH ME LUCK!!!!

My soundtrack song is this one: Donna Summer, with Bad Girls.

P.S. Just to make me feel better, if you've ever been scolded - or worse - for taking pictures, drop me an anecdote in the chat box, kthx!