Born To Be Wild

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends,

Today was Fazzy's crown replacement day. It was a bit of a disaster meeting up with her. The trains were disrupted by the tail end of Cyclone Cody and I ended up on a bus for 20 minutes, then stranded at Plimmerton. 

Fortunately Fazzy came to my rescue and picked me up. Then we were off to Karori. By the time we got there Fazzy seemed pretty nervous, but she was very brave and put up with the dentist drilling and poking at her for NINETY MINUTES while he tried to figure out if he could save the tooth. 

Fortunately the news was positive. I don't know what support I offered really, but Fazzy says it just makes her feel better having someone there. Plus I was texting Shahier throughout, letting him know how she was getting on. She was so very grateful, but I know she'd do the same for me - or more - anytime I asked. 

And actually while she lay there, being brave despite the fact she was clearly distressed, I realised just how much this funny, caring, smart woman means to me. I absolutely love Fazzy - she really is my little sister and I'm so proud to have her as my friend. 

She got her temporary crown fixed and I took her for Brave Girl ice-cream afterward. She offered to drive me to Paremata afterward but I said I would be fine. "And happy Valentine's day," I told her. She was so happy and she waved me goodbye at Porirua.

The reason I was heading to Paremata and not Paraparaumu was because it is Superbowl Monday in New Zealand and El Jefe had invited me over to watch the match and eat pizza and hot wings. 

I ate the pizza and the hot wings.

I spent most of the time talking movies with Manda and joking around with Jade. Jade and Chris are the couple who own the house Manda and Jeff rent rooms in. Chris is a circumspect fellow, though he seems fun. Jade on the other hand is absolutely out there and a HOOT. 

She is very flirty and feline in her manner, and even her voice is Eartha Kitten-ish, with a Kiwi twang. She and I get along pretty well. At one point I had to interrupt her in mid-discussion to say, "Did you just take a bottle of PERFUME out of your pocket and spray yourself with it?"

"That's how I roll," she said, showing me the bottle from her pocket. "Prada, baby."

The five of us settled down after the match to play "Cards Against Humanity" because we are all depraved perverts. Manda loves my accent and it amuses her hugely to hear me saying things. She actually played one card when it was my turn to read just to hear me reading the most disgusting filth about sucking up a turd*. TEARS were in her eyes. 

I had to read it twice while she recovered. 

Afterward I had to get home. I had a lovely wife waiting for me at home and it IS Valentine's Day. Jefe offered me a ride to the station on his bike and I could hardly say no. Especially when he offered me the Star Wars helmet. 

It was a fun ride. He is a very considerate driver. I remember riding on Andre the Italian's bike and I nearly SHAT myself. 

Italians.

"But I should pee first," I said before getting on the bike.
"Yes. First rule of riding my bike. Do not pee on Jeff," he intoned.

He left me at the station and it was then I found out the trains were STILL not running. So I called an Uber and had a lovely ride home with a Fijian lady who told me all about her life and her family.

When I got home, I found Caro had also had an interesting day. She had a Scottish guy come round to service the heat pump**. He told her that he'd worked in the energy industry all over the world and got kidnapped in the Congo. 

Apparently the kidnappers marched him and two other guys into the jungle and he thought it was all over for him. He gave his kidnappers the $60 he had in his pocket and they came back with an entire TRUCK of beer. Which they shared with the kidnap-ees. 

It sounds like they all got on pretty well actually. And he was eventually freed when his company paid $300 for him. 

"So now I know how little I'm actually worth," he complained.

And now I'm on WhatsApp where I find that the pictures of me on Jefe's motorbike have got Ellie and Shenée all worked up. They are now talking about starting their own motorcycle gang. 

Another reason to stick with Uber.

S.

* This is the mild version of what it said. 
** Not a euphemism.