Sketchbook

I woke up late, at 8am

I pulled an all nighter again. I slept for 3 hours from 6pm, then I woke up all bright and chirpy at 9pm. In creative mode. So I reached for the Sketchbook to paint, but then had the urge to add to my writing. Just a few notes I thought. But 7 hours later I was still writing. The thoughts were flowing.

It is an autobiography my children have asked for, for their children. So, this is my life as a child until I leave school at 17 years old, and my children's lives from birth until when they leave school. And then my grown up children can add to it as they read it, because obviously their perspective of things will be different, and it might trigger memories for them to tell their children. The grandchildren in question, are in the 10 to 14 age range, and so it will be relevant to their understanding. My grown up children asked for this as a series of  actual letters throughout this year, 2022, that I will post for each of them to read together, and talk about. I will also do individual little sketches on each letter, relevant to my grown up child in question, that I send it to. It will be in instalments.

It is proving to be a bigger project than I thought it would be, because not only is it my life history, it is giving me a further understanding about myself. So, for me, I have also been exploring in my mind what made me what I am, and how I got through things as a child. All that is just as relevant to my life today, and is also a framework for these difficult Covid times today. I always as a child, thought way outside the box. And this was at least in part because of my profound deafness (a deaf person in a hearing world), and not knowing what I was meant to do, nor knowing others' expectations of me which were very low. I did get told to my face that I was useless and that I would get nowhere in life. But I was only lipreading those words, I never felt the impact of the sound that went with it, although I could see the pitying disdain on the face of whoever was telling me this.

But, one thing I always did from the smallest me I can remember was dream. I imagined what I wanted. I imagined what I needed. It wasn't until I was a young teenager that I realised and understood what my parents and teachers expectations of me were, because I was told to my face then. But, by then, I had my own built in self-belief in myself. People (parents and teachers) could put me down, and that would affect me for a bit. For much longer than it should have done sometimes. But I always went back to dreaming and believing in myself. 

So, here is my creative for today. Just words on my acrylic painted sheets in my sketchbook. 

DREAM
the outcome
and
BELIEVE

I have always done this, and the outcome might not have been what I expected, but it was always better than the before.

I am only human, and I lose my way from time to time as we all do. 
But then I dream again...


P.S. I will get back to and respond to your comments over the last few days as soon as I can.