I was tickled when I spotted the address on these lateral flow tests. Thurston is a family name and given that the village of that name is only a very short distance from Bury St Edmunds, where all of London's divorces are heard, I popped along to see it for myself when I was up there just over three years ago to celebrate the first step in my divorce. I'm hoping that this is an omen that the final stage is only days away.

Somewhat disappointingly, the new letting agent assures me that there is no Jade bypass and so reluctantly I try calling the contact telephone numbers I have been given for first, the HR person, and second, my new line manager. Jade is correct, three out of four numbers refuse to connect and the fourth takes me straight through to voicemail so I leave a message.
Then, as belt-and-braces, I email the HR person and explain that it's becoming rather frantic. She kindly responds by email that she has tried calling Jade in response to the voicemail she left earlier but was put on hold in too long a queue and had to give up.
I try calling Jade and am put in a queue. After a while I am connected to one of Jade's colleagues who tells me that she is busy on another call. I explain my business and the colleague is able to tell me that Jade has now received a call from the HR person. I explain to Jade's colleague that it isn't very helpful to be put in a queue, put on hold, and all of that, have they considered using email? The colleague asks me if I would care to send an email and I explain that I don't think I need to now, but I would be grateful if her company could take on board the fact that contacting them is almost as difficult as contacting my new employer. Point is taken and we part civilly.
Later I receive a call from the recruitment consultant to let me know that my new line manager is concerned because she has not yet received the call she was expecting on Friday from Jade. I explain that it is impossible to get through to the line manager on the numbers provided and the recruitment agent is perplexed because she has never experienced similar difficulties. I tell the recruitment agent that to the best of my knowledge Jade has now had a conversation with HR and we should, hopefully be over that particular hurdle now. The recruitment consultant tells me that my contract was approved on Friday and that the line manager is chasing HR to get a copy to me.

At work there are no further requests for Doomsday drawings, but a flurry of small jobs coming directly to me from the operations people. My favourite people and my favourite work, so I gorge myself on them. An operations engineer calls lovely boss who enquires how he is “Clinging onto the wreckage” is the engineer's response. We all howl with laughter because we know it's the truth.

After work I pop into my lovely dental practice to claim a refund for my next pre-paid appointment which I have had to cancel. We are all sorry to be parting company, but needs must. I also see Nomura, the tattooist, and let him know I will soon be away. We share an illegal hug.

I wonder quietly to myself why it might be that people who go into careers in admin find it so difficult.