Sign of the times...

ARIES:


In July, an accident involving Paul Hollywood, your granny's corsets and a Kenwood mixer, leads to you inventing time travel!

You're immediately whisked(!) back to 1534 where you will have to remain, as electricity hasn't yet been invented and therefore your time machine won't work. But you soon settle in to the joys of Tudor England and meet a handsome, wealthy, titled suitor. Within weeks you will fall head over heels for him!!!

However, Anne Boleyn does not appreciate you dallying with her husband. She objects to the words you teach him ('Maltesers', 'Tinder', 'Viagra', etc) and proclaims you a witch. You are tried, found guilty, and sent to the Tower for execution, proving my prediction absolutely correct, when your head really does fall over your heels!

Blimey, I'm good.....