The Statistics Unit*

Some snippets of conversations I've had at work this week:

Me: Can you spare a minute?
Boss: If it's quick.
Me: This is my formal letter of resignation.
Boss: I don't want it, give to HR.

Me: Can I give you my letter of resignation?
HR: No.
Me: Who should I give it to then?
HR: Your boss.

Me: Could you please accept my resignation so that HR can start sorting out my paperwork?
Dean: Why are you going to Egypt? It's really dirty, noisy, smelly and nobody is nice there.

Boss: So, are you going to Cairo then?
Me: Yup!
Boss: I knew someone who went there and got really ill.

Me: Can I have two croissants and a cup of coffee please?
Shell garage guy: Would you like ketchup?

Statistics Unit*: Can we have some extra time to upload the data due on Thursday?
Ministry: No. If you don't upload it on time, you will be fined a large amount of money and possibly go to jail.
Statistics Unit: Oh.

Today...

Dean: The Ministry has just called to warn me that if you don't upload the data they need by 2:30pm today, we will get a big fine.
Statistics Unit: The deadline is tomorrow and we've only just received the information we need from the college representatives.
Dean: The deadline has been moved and it needs to be done.

20,000 pieces of data, 19 error reports, 2 successful uploads and 2 can't-work-out-the-problem reports later...

Me: There are some problems with the error reports we received from you regarding the statistical data due in an hour.
Ministry: I will call you back in 5 minutes.

One hour later

Me: There are some problems with the error reports we received from you regarding the statistical data due in 5 minutes.
Ministry: I'm going home now so we'll do it on Saturday.
Me: No fine? No jail? No problem?
Ministry: Hahaha. No problem!



What a bunch of fandangos.



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* The Statistics Unit comprises of a full time teacher with three free periods a week who can use Excel and has done a similar line of work in the past (me) and the college receptionist (the only other person in the college capable of doing more than two things at once).