One is apparently a gentleman

Come back to the days of Bertie Wooster. One left one's (very) minor public school with no brains other than those of one's valet, no skills except as flâneur, no money; but one lives off a rich aunt with hopes of inheritance, dwells in fashionable London Clubland, has chums and gets into scrapes.

The price of a fashionable address is that one's digs are tiny, so space for one's clothes is scarce. Enter Compactom Ltd of Regent Street, telegraphic address Comfitments Piccy London.

The Compactom is a patented, double depth wardrobe. In its Tardis space one finds labelled compartments for one's jackets, trousers, shirts, socks, underwear, "dress vests" (what??), pyjamas and shoes. In the base is a box for "sundries". One has a shelf for collars (starched) and a hanger for collars (soft). Is the tie rack for bow ties, or the lesser sort? Certainly there is dedicated space for one's opera hat. What more could one want?

Mine was acquired recently from abroad, that is to say from an antique dealer in Sussex, and imported to the Highlands. In the world of real antiques, pa'tina is that wonderful shine that only comes from decades of polishing and gentle handling. In the world of Salvage Hunters, "pateeena" is dealer-speak for fashionably knackered. Mine has "pateeena" in abundance, but then I'm fashionably knackered too.

Delighted to see one has a special place for plus-fours, for the shootin' and fishin'. But what does one do with the plus-twos, for the goffin"?