Danger! Woman with machinery.

The Garden Fairy has necked the Lavender. The bees are in their holes and hives. Seeing her waving a hedge trimmer is always going to fill me with nervous energy, I can’t run so keep well beyond her lunging range. 

It reminds me of a time on the rifle range at Portland when I calmly explained to the group of sailors we were training that if one of them started to turn around from the firing point with a loaded weapon in their hands the first indication they were in trouble would be me kicking them. We had moved onto the 9mm pistol when one had a jam, he turned slightly and then sprawled on the deck with a bootmark on his back. During an earlier phase with the Self Loading Rifle I crouched over one of them, he kept missing the target at 100m, a seemingly impossible feat. 
“What’s the matter?”
“The wind through the sight keeps making my eyes water Corporal!” 
“Dooooh!” 

Detective Chief Inspector Morse installed himself on top of the shed. Here’s a cat who was due to cost us £5000 two years ago to have his knees operated on. He sashays around the place like a proper tart, jumps an eight foot fence, leaps onto the roof from the water butt and generally does and goes where he wants to. If he had the operations he would be in a wheelchair! 

Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.