The Clock Is Laughing In My Face

A lyric from the song ‘Brain Stew’ by Green Day. A very apt one as I can’t settle/sleep. This is yet another fun perk of PTSD and anxiety

After a decent day/evening my brain has decided some self-sabotage is required so now the anxiety kicks in. The best way I can put this is that ‘you worry about worrying’ - It’s very difficult to explain, but your brain will throw a thought at you about some previous interaction, or some possible future interaction and the thought will be a negative one in some form or another, even though it’s doubtful there was/will be any negativity involved - The brain just likes you to ponder the ‘what if’, and from there it’s down a deep dark rabbit hole of negative thoughts about yourself.

I have sleeping pills, but the day after taking them is a write-off so these are to be avoided on work nights. So instead I try audio books/documentaries (How soothing is David Attenborough’s voice) or other such things. Occasionally glancing at the clock here and worrying about sleeping in (I won’t), being to tired to work (won’t happen) or my colleagues thinking I have some drug/drink issue due to my obvious lack of sleep/panda eyes.

Again, these things won’t happen (And likely would never happen) - But the brain is very convincing when trying to self sabotage itself.

Anyways, I’m off to try some of the relaxation techniques the lovely doctor from the Royal Edinburgh taught me and hopefully then get some sleep - Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it’ll be a positive one.

Anyways, if your in the U.K. and reading this now get off your phone/tablet/computer and go read/listen to something or some such activity - These devices are no good for anyone, especially with social media to really stoke the fires of anxiety