Skype Date

The kids just finished skyping with their grandparents in New York. It's amazing how technology allows us to stay close across continents. Usually this ability to communicate in real-time is a fantastic thing.

But today I had to deal with a situation where this technology is interfering with living in the present and making the most of a special, limited opportunity to leave one world to fully experience another. In part, because of Skype, instant messaging, and the Internet, today didn't go quite the way I had planned.

I meant to be helping a friend to pack up and move her apartment, but instead I spent a good part of the day mediating between a high school student from the South Caucasus and his German host family. The student spends an excessive amount of time (hours every day) using technology to communicate with friends back in his home country, rather than making friends in his host country or engaging with his family and school.

It breaks my heart a bit when I encounter international exchange students who don't really understand the mission and value of the amazing opportunity they have during their immersion year. Most exchange experiences are very positive for the host family and community as well as the student. I know this because not only was I an exchange student, but I've been a host sister and a host Mom (for ten years!). I've also sent my own daughter on exchange and mentored more than 50 students and families over the last 20 years of volunteering. I'm passionate about promoting cultural exchanges, which can be incredibly rewarding for everyone if all participants are committed to mutual understanding, respect, and responsibility.

Unfortunately, if a student sees the program merely as a self-centered means to improve their language and enhance their career chances, then there's a high likelihood that the family is not going to feel like it's a mutually beneficial "exchange" program - they might even feel as if they are being used as a free bed & breakfast. It's not long before that leads to resentment and conflict. As it has in this case.

So today we aired the issues: I spent time talking individually and collectively with everyone, establishing clear expectations and specific goals that need to be met in the next two weeks in order for the student to remain in his placement. I'm not too optimistic about this one, but I'll keep my fingers crossed.