In Your Eyes...

The great thing about living in Berlin is the street musicians. They are incredible. This one was particularly outstanding, and this little boy appears to think so also... How cute is he?

Today was a weird one..

I definitely realize that I am more secure at almost 32 than I have ever been in my life. I am so much more comfortable being in process. I am secure that I am insecure. I am OK that there are things that I don't like about myself. I can see that I am incandescently happy in lots of ways and in others feel like I live in a black hole of misery and the disparity doesn't really bother me. I figure that's just kind of the paradox of this life.

One of my weird little idiosyncrasies is men. I am sure this is no shock to you. I love them. I love to be the best of friends with them. I love the idea of dating them... I like to like them. I don't mind telling them that I like them. I am generally a little shocked when they like me... But dating, that's a different ball game. It's something I like to toy with the idea of and not do... But I don't like being alone, and I don't want to be unhealthy in my relationships. So I generally find myself in impossible situations which I have created by rationalization and absurd ignorance. And by absurd, I mean inexcusable. Ahhhh... for those of you who are married, don't you SO not miss being single?

Anyway. Big dinner over here last night, with lots of dancing, silliness and wine. At the end of the night I realized that part of my weirdness about men and trying to figure out if I like them, is that I am not sure who I am, so I am certainly not sure about what I am looking for or if the one I am looking at is a good fit for me...

Maybe I should just play street guitar and let the 8 year olds be mesmerized by my dashing good looks and mad guitar skills... Not that I can play guitar and beauty is, of course, subjective. But hey it's a start, and it sounds like fun. Lord knows I could use the money.