Eleven

Did you ever hear that ghastly song, 'I've Never Been to Me' where the singer warbles on about 'being undressed by kings', (yeah, right) and 'seeing things that a woman ain't s'posed to see?'

Well let me tell you, the 'thing' she was referring to, was probably her mother's online dating profile. Seriously. There are some horrors in life which you should never have to endure, and reading that your mother 'seeks an energetic (my mind boggled at that one), slim, witty, well-dressed man who can play an instrument' (H says he immediately visualised Julian Clary murdering the bagpipes) is one of them!

'How about looking for someone dependable, loyal, and loving?' I asked her. 'That's what I value most in a relationship.'

She looked at H and then back at me.

'Just as well you've got a dog then' she said, and sashayed off to post her profile.

Interdum habet punctum , as I have absolutely NO intention of ever telling her.