Five

My mother burst into my reiki session with Evangeline, to announce that after 15 years of joyful separation from Big Fergie (my dad), it's time for her to start 'getting out there again'.

Evangeline (who's never met my mother before) helpfully suggested looking for love online, but we agreed that my mother's inability to tell left from right might get her into all sorts of swiping trouble, Tinder-wise.

Before I could stop her, Evangeline decided to consult the spirit world. 'Big Fergie is happy for you to meet someone' she announced, much to my mother's surprise.

'How does Fergie know?' she asked Evangeline. 'And how do you know Fergie?' And then, 'Who are you anyway?'

I ushered my mother out at that point. Some things are just too difficult to explain....

'Inpedimenta, inpedimenta' as husband H might say.