Two

It was rather lovely for a while today, so we took the kids to the beach.

We asked my mother if she'd like to come too, but apparently, she doesn't like sand getting into her girdle. 'What's the point of a girdle?' I asked her once. She said it kept her flabby bits under control - but it doesn't. They just escape from above and below.

(Have you ever bought one of those tubes of ready-made puff pastry for making croissants? If you don't open the packet quickly enough, the dough starts expending out the sides in all directions....that's my mother and the girdle.)

As my husband H likes to say 'adipem massam'. Quite.