Sonic

He just wanted to be like Sonic, the fastest thing alive.  He knew if he spent all night in the rain, his profile would resemble the hedgehog.  It was then a case of seeing whether it actually paid off.  

Not entirely.  

Despite his antennae working fairly effectively as primitive windscreen wipers (see extra for earlier footage), he hadn't accounted for the impact of the weight of water nor for the blurring effect in his left compound eye. 

His ability to fly from flower to flower in the thistle surfing event was drastically hampered by this handicap and, by the end of the round, he was just relieved to be able to see the finishing flower, let alone land on it. At that point, he had no idea whether his efforts were enough for a medal placement.

We caught up with Colin who said, "I gave it everything - and more. Sonic is my hero, my inspiration. I won't be around for the next Olympics; I'm past my prime. Despite being hindered by my vision, Sonic's profile helped both physically and mentally. To discover I achieved Bronze, well, I'm buzzing!" 

Sonic has already tweeted in support of Colin with his reliably poignant words: 
“Every world has its end. I know that’s kinda sad, but that’s why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have. Colin, I admire your fortitude. Congratulations - thank you for playing!” 

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WharfedaleBex reporting from the Alternative Olympic Games