Today was difficult but then not as bad as I had predicted.

We had an office party which I had organised for 20+ people. A couple of months ago I suggested to my husband that I wouldn't go as it was the day after his oncology review and we weren't expecting good news. My husband was adamant that I shouldn't cancel to just sit at home when I could be out enjoying myself because whatever I chose to do that night wouldn't change anything we were facing.

Obviously life changed 4 weeks ago and the thought of going out for a meal and 'enjoying myself' feels completely alien but I went with my boss knowing there was every chance I might just not show.

It wasn't the same but I am glad I went. I spoke at length with my 3 Partners and the team and it was ok. I do have an issue with feeling like I shouldn't be laughing as it is still so raw but being surrounded by people that I respect and enjoy spending time with was perhaps what I needed. I went because it's what my husband wanted me to do.