Reframe

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

I got this text at the start of my day. It was my lovely PM Shenée offering to buy me coffee from La Cloche. 

I went straight there from the station. No Shenée. I called her, but it went to voicemail. 

"I am here!" I said. "Where are you? This is very upsetting. I am VERY UPSET."

I left it two minutes then left her a second message:

"I need you to know that if you do not arrive soon I will not buy you a pain au chocolat. Well, maybe I will. I don't wish to be too harsh. But the pain au chocolat window is closing."

I left it two MORE minutes then left a THIRD message:

"Are you PEEING? If you're peeing then being this late is acceptable. However, if you are in some OTHER coffee place having a cruel laugh at my expense then no pain au chocolat for you. But just to re-emphasise, peeing is acceptable."

But still she didn't show up. I went into the office and there she was. RIGHT NEXT TO HER PHONE, I might add. 

The coffee was sitting on my desk. 

It turns out that when she SAID, "See you soon. I'm at La Cloche," these two statements were not connected. She MEANT "I'm getting you a coffee at La Cloche WHICH I WILL THEN BRING BACK TO THE OFFICE."  Full stop. "See you soon IN THE EFFING OFFICE". 

She was most apologetic. And if you are reading this now, Shenée I do hope you know that I just thought it was funny and we are still friends really. 

I told her this at the time. "Oh f*ck awf," she said in her South African accent. I think we understood each other.

I actually had the best day all day today. And that was just the start.  

Fazzi was also in the office and she also gave me grief. We seem to have settled into a parent/stroppy teenager sort of dynamic, where I am terribly fussy and vain and she mocks me. Somehow it works for us. 

And I love how we all hug each other. It's not even a thing anymore it's just something we do. There is genuine affection between us. I get greeting hugs from Fazzi and Shenée. And once again, Fazzi came up behind Shenée and gave her a big hug for nothing.

It honestly makes my heart overflow a little bit. I just love it when Fazzi does that. 

To add to the good vibes, Tiger came into the office today! You may remember yesterday's entry that he was to meet with June to discuss her job. 

It went really well. The two of them chatted happily for about 30 minutes and he came away feeling that a) yes he could do the job b) he would have a lot to contribute and c) he'll be putting his application in tonight. 

It is, of course, not a sure thing that he will get the job but he really would be a game-changer I think. Knowing him as I do, he would be amazing in the role and I have crossed my fingers, toes and willy that he aces the interview and they take him on next month. 

He stuck around afterward because Shenée had INSISTED on meeting him. 

"Tigerrrrr!" she said when she saw him and he got a big hug AND a kiss. 

Get used to it Tiger. This is life in Shenée World. 

He actually LOVED Shenée World. He loved that she has a pink dinosaur on her desk. And books on physics. He made her laugh so hard at his stories of dressing up as a unicorn that she clapped her hands. They discussed teenage boys and crusty socks*, the Lord of the Rings, the science of spaghetti-breaking and how to write a Project Initiation Document. 

They got on rather well.

All the same, by the time I got home a headache had kicked in. I'm not sure why. But it was enough to drive me to my bed at 7:30 this evening. 

I awoke just after midnight. The headache had gone but now I find myself wide awake, with the events of the day going through my head. It's a weird jet-laggy feeling being awake at this time of night. With the cats all asleep and the telly silent. 

If I were concerned about such things, I'd be annoyed that I am at work tomorrow and I will probably be tired all day. But I am unconcerned. 

This is because I remember a lecture by the controversial psychologist RD Laing. He was talking about not fighting things, not getting stressed about them. He had a patient with chronic insomnia, he said. All she wanted was drugs but he felt this would be a mistake.

"Why can't you see being awake as a good thing?" he asked. "Then you won't be so stressed about it. Make the most of the time. Do your laundry. Read a book. Think about things. Reframe."

As someone who has suffered from insomnia, I can tell you that reframing is easier said than done. But not tonight. Tonight, I may be awake, my head buzzing with past events and possibilities, but I'm enjoying it. 

The fact is that I'm just happy. Even if things don't change, even if the Tiger job falls through. I'm content with my quiet life and cats and friends. 

I'm happy with my morning hugs and my stroppy work-teenager friend. I'm happy to be left outside a coffee shop, leaving silly messages for a lovely PM, who is meanwhile worried that my coffee is getting cold and WHERE IS SYMON, ANYWAY???

I'm happy with my beautiful wife, who has been sending me pictures of her dogsitting doggy all day. And with the lovely Princess who spent three happy hours talking with me on Monday just because we are mates who miss each other. 

I'm happy to be awake my thoughts tonight. 

Sometimes I wish I could stay this way forever.

S. 

* Yes, these are my friends.