NOMAN

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends,

I worked from home today. It was just what I needed. I didn't sleep terribly well at Joshua's - just the strangeness of a different bed - and then obviously yesterday was quite exhausting. 

So I slept for aaaaaaaages last night and woke up vaguely discombobulated and wiggly in myself.

Nevertheless I had a couple of fun meetings today. I met with the team, and - no - wait - I need to issue a SENTENCES I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER TYPE OUT LOUD ALERT -  

Are you ready?

I ENJOY TEAM MEETINGS

I mean. What the EFF? How the EFFING EFF did THAT happen? I mean, it is not like the format is notably different. We too, have a "round table" where we give updates but yet strangely oddly weirdly they are fun and we end up talking about chickens and drop bears and mucus*.

It is like if you had a team meeting IN THE PUB. 

Then I met with Rosemary in Hamilton. The team asked me to "charm" her as they have noted the English accent often goes down very well. 

As a digression, this is so true. It is like a new secret superpower I got when I moved to Aotearoa. So I often lay it on a bit thick when I am trying to win over a colleague, or indeed get a free sample in the supermarket.

Rosemary was actually lovely, no accent required. She gave me the information I needed and so I put the SEXUAL CHARISMA back in its box. I didn't want to be unfair to the poor woman. 

And then it was over to a meeting with Fazzi, as usual we had a good laugh and most of it was at my expense. Also, I invited myself over to her house on Saturday lunchtime for a spot of Wii bowling. Although I must admit I am mainly there because I bloody LOVE being "Uncle Symon" and can't wait to play with Haniah and Zaydaan again. 

"I'll inform Shahier he's making lunch," laughed Fazzi.

"I'm more than happy to pay for pizza," I offered. 

And then it happened. My world darkened. Storm clouds gathered overhead and the ground shook.

I got NOMAN'ed.

Working with South Africans, being NOMAN'ed is a terrifying hazard. Don't get me wrong. I have learned that South Africans are lovely, funny friendly people, but cross them at your peril. You say the wrong thing and...

NOMAN!!

I first noticed this a few weeks back when I offered to get Shenée a snack with her coffee when she felt she owed me one back first -  

NOMAN!!

And I was all, "What the HECK is this 'no man' stuff?"

At which point Fazzi and Shenée laughed at me.

"It's not 'nooohhh maaaaan'," said Fazzi, adopting a quite ridiculous yet insultingly accurate version of my English accent. "It's NOMAN."

Essentially it is like the South African version of GTF**. It is said with a surprising amount of passion and fervour. And you know it when you have it directed at you.

Long story short. Shahier is making lunch. And I daren't even broach the subject of pizza again. Ever. With Fazzi. Ever. 

With that settled, I retired to the living room where I found Caro had made an online purchase of these boots. She was annoyed I had BUSTED her buying things.

Although I do not know why. I would never say NOMAN to my lovely wife. I wouldn't want her picking it up and using it against me for a start. 

S.

* Aubrey, Ellie's daughter has not been well. Which prompted Ellie to say, "I cannot believe so much mucus can come from such a little person". Her top tip is to put loads of toys in the bath, deposit the child in there and then turn on the shower spray. "That way, Aubrey's happy and I don't have to wipe her down for at least 20 minutes," she said. Make a note, parents.

** For my South African friends, GTF stands for "get tae f***" which you must imagine being said in a Scottish accent by a small, adorable yet strangely irascible Scottish woman called Carol or possibly Fazlyn. It means "go to a place called f*** and then f*** off as far as f***ing possible". Or in other words: NOMAN!!