The Rise & Fall of the Roman Empire (Abridged)

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends,

I am home. Auckland Trip #2 is now under our belt. 

I'm glad. This was tiring. Six visits in two days is do-able. Don't get me wrong. But I don't recommend it. 

Even after our lovely evening together, I could sense the rest of the team was also a bit flatter than yesterday as we headed off to Henderson. And it was a shame really because they were just lovely. There was one guy in particular who talked about The Ducks of Henderson and how much he loved them and how great it was that we were doing what we were doing.

We had brought plushies with us, but only a bat (pekapeka) and a yellow-eyed penguin (hoiho). 

The only duck in the room was the key ring on Shenée's handbag. 

She LOVES that key ring. 

I looked at her. 

She looked at me. 

We both looked at the bag. 

I could HEAR her duck-shaped heart breaking. 

But she gave him her key ring. 

Shenée, as I may have mentioned, is a very nice person.

Next, we headed to New Lynn where we also got a very nice reception and I did my usual thing of trying to crack the hardest nut in the room. In this case a very glamorous looking lady with a shaved head who was easily the most vocal. Not in the bad way, but I could tell she was An Influencer and decided to target her for my charm.

Oh shut up. I can so too be charming. 

Then we were off again to Mount Roskill which was BY FAR our nicest visit of all the trips so far. We were invited to share the group lunch! They had cooked up a beautiful chicken curry with rice and naan, and it was even halal so Fazzi could join in. 

I couldn't have eaten without Fazzi. She is my karaoke partner. Today we bonded over "Lady Marmalade". 

Even without the food, the Mount Roskill people couldn't have been nicer. They were funny and cheeky and suggested "Mothersucker" for their meeting room. 

"It's a kind of duck," they insisted. With straight faces.  

(It got about eight votes in the "Pick A Room Name" poll. Cheeky beggars.)

From there it was a dash to the airport and (for me) a cheeky beer. It helped me shift my brain down a gear after a very full on day. And while I was drinking it, I pondered on how my team mates achieved the same thing.

Fazzi seems to do it by thinking about her home and family. She was busily texting Shahier in the airport. I could see her, smiling at her phone. 

And that made me smile, too. 

Shenée, meanwhile, chooses mind-training games like 2048 over my brain-destroying alcohol. Which explains a lot. 

And Ollie is just unflappable at all times. He is such a kind, calm person and just a pleasure to be around. 

After the flight home, I shared a taxi with Shenée back to hers. She seemed tired and in need of a back-seat nap. So I decided to give her one of the history lectures that I used to give Caro back in the day. 

If you didn't know, when I first met Caro she was having trouble sleeping so I would talk to her about everything from Abraham Lincoln's assassination to Martin Luthor's constipation. It worked every time. 

My wife loves the fact that I can be extremely boring on command. 

But it didn't work with Shenée! Annoying!

This is partly because her mind absorbs facts as speedily and effectively as I can absorb chips. And partly because it wasn't the most relaxing lecture. I chose foolishly and realised to my horror that I was trying to cover about 1800 years of history in just 40 minutes.  

Consequently, the rise and fall of the Roman Empire took about 2 minutes. I had to skip bits. 

So even as she was getting out of the taxi, Shenée was still peppering me with questions. 

"You really should be asleep by now," I told her.  

"I want to know MORE! I want to know THE BIG PICTURE!" she insisted, her eyes wide and ALERT. 

Holy effing ess. What have I done?

And now I really should be asleep as well. 

S.