How was your Mother's Day, this was Sine's

Yesterday was Mother's Day . . . a day when sons and daughters buy their Mum's a card and gift designed to say "I love you Mum and I appreciate everything you've ever done for me".

I was never particularly comfortable with Mother's Day, perhaps because my Mum wasn't a huge fan as she always said she didn't need a card, or gift to know she was loved by her family. As she got older she did go along with it and seemed to enjoy the chance to collect some more garden vouchers. However for some of us, yesterday wasn't the Mother's Day we wanted, or once had.

For my family, it was another moment of quiet reflection as in 2012 we lost my Mum, Margaret and my wife's Mum, Bunty, which made this the first year when life wasn't quite as it once was. You see in addition to Mother's Day they also had birthdays in March, so now rather than it being a month where we bought lots of cards, it's a month spent visiting Gardens of Remembrance and Cemetery's.

In my case Mum was 83 and suffered Dementia in her final years, so she was trapped in a mind she didn't know anymore and although we miss her dreadfully, we took comfort from the fact she wasn't 'trapped' anymore. My wife's Mum, on the other hand, was still in her 60's and took ill and died suddenly without any explanation, except "we did everything we could, she just never responded".

However as sad and tragic as our year was, it pales into insignificance when you compare it to that of Sine and Fraser Coull.

For us our 'losses' were in the 'right order'. We had outlived our parent, the way it should be and as sad as it was, then as a parent I can't begin to think what Sine and Fraser went through not only yesterday, but every day since March 2012 when they found out their beautiful daughter, Aila, had leukemia.

The Kiltwalk first came across the Coull Clan after they registered to take part in last years Hampden to Loch Lomond event in order to "do some good" for Scotland's Children. They signed up to help Scotland's Children completely unaware of their own plight, which was about to unfold around them.

What should have been a 'day out', walking 26 miles for 'other bairns', became very personal and one The Kiltwalk kept involved in until Aila's sad passing, aged 14 months.

As if yesterday wasn't bad enough for Sine and Fraser, Mother's Day 2013 also fell a year to the day Aila was diagnosed, so I'm sure we can all imagine what state of mind Sine was in? Well I'm sure we think we could, but could we really?

Well in case you were wondering how she felt here is the Facebook post Sine (pronounced Sheena) made yesterday.

"A year ago today we took our beautiful but very ill 10 month old baby to A&E. She was covered in bruises, severely anaemic, deeply lethargic & periodically crying out in pain.

They took blood & we waited . . . but they knew as soon as they looked at her but we waited. They sent us through to Aberdeen Sick Kids for "a blood transfusion at least" and we arrived at 8pm, at 8:20pm on the dot the consultant came in and told us very matter of factly that Aila had leukaemia.

At that precise moment our perfect little world fell apart around us, less than 6 months later she left us and that "perfect little world" we lived in became irreparable. All our hopes and dreams for our family torn to shreds by the horrible disease that entered our lives this time last year . . . Acute Myeloid Leukemia or AML, the three letters we grew to dread.

One week later was Mother's Day . . . which turned out to be my only one with Aila and instead of sharing the joy of it with her, it was full of chemo, fear and taking her favourite little bunny teddy away from her as she moved into strict isolation for the 1st time.

So Mother's day, I'm not feeling it . . . never will, it's yet another made up, commercial, meaningless day reminding me and the other Mum's I've come to know of what we've lost. That I'm half the mother I was this time last year....thanks Hallmark, what a crock!!"

So that's exactly how Sine was feeling yesterday. Upset, in nagging endless pain at the loss of her bundle of joy and left with the feeling that the commercialism of the day just acts as another nail in her heart.

However as 'low' as yesterday was, this isn't a story of pity, or why us? as what the Coull's have done since Aila died has been truly remarkable as this courageous family are determined "good" will prevail and have set up the Aila Coull Foundation in memory of their beautiful daughter, with the aim of striving to help find a cure for this awful disease.

You may read Sine's words above and think what does she mean by "half the Mum I used to be" and think "does she mean that she's got one child where she once had two?" or does she mean "I've had half of my soul ripped away, so only have half left to give?".

I don't know the answer to that and I'm not going to intrude any further to ask, but what I do know is that she is an outstanding Mum, with a huge heart who is doing great things through Aila's Foundation, one which The Kiltwalk are proud to support, and no one, never mind Sine is ever going to forget the wonder of Aila.

The Kiltwalk picked this picture from one of many the Coull's have given us and I'll leave Sine to describe it's background.

"That photo was taken on Aila's last good day, it was a wonderful day full of memories & one of the things we did that day was plant bulbs (in the orange pot you can just make out on the left hand side). They're growing beautifully outside our front door now & I can't wait for the orange flowers to make an appearance (orange for leukaemia).

The next day Aila was put on morphine. After that we saw fleeting glimpses of the "real Aila" & she defied Doctors by fighting on but two weeks later it was time for the angels to take her".

Thanks to the Coull Family for allowing us to share this with you.