Praying for Wisdom of the Heart

We are living through times without clear perspectives on what to expect in future. Years ago I would have felt rather uncomfortable  in such a situation. Don’t go on floating without organizing your existential outlook. Make yourself into the one you have to become.
Today I feel to have a better insight into the motifs that brought me onto wrong tracks. But it gave me - sometimes rather late – the opportunity to learn and change my course of direction. In life detours are inevitable, in fact there are no detours, because the learning process goes on independently of your existential choices, planning, intentional efforts.
If you refuse to participate wholeheartedly in this existential learning process, life will hit back. Not by way of punishment. Like the stubborn hero in old tragedy will suffer for resisting the will of the gods. No, because the future is already present in an invisible way. It is part of that encompassing blind spot, that is structurally linked to my unique experience and way of making reality accesible for foreseable action.
Hence the inevitable necessity to keep an open mind and encounter reality as it unfolds. Even as it entails such deeply shocking experiences like the sudden death of your DearestLove? Yes indeed, so that you may discover and learn that especially you could not have been prepared for the revelation of that radical life-event. Did you experience a similar shock when you mother lost her husband of more than sixty years? Why weren’t you capable of a more empathic reaction, when she felt completely disoriented and hardly fit for living on independently.
Indeed, MyDearMother, it was not only my lack of empathic love. But First and above all a lack of human maturity, otherdirectedness.  Which made me miss your existential pain and despair. I hope you have forgiven me that shortcoming of an impatient heart. Hopefully You are sharing my prayer for a more fundamental wisdom of that goodwilling heart. Amen.